Maybe later.
But first she had to get Mason packed up and off to his father’s, then she needed to call Elliott back. He’d sounded upset, but she only had the bandwidth to deal with one crisis at a time. Mason came first.
Her kids always came first. No matter what.
And right now, her heart being surreptitiously ripped from her chest by the child she grew and birthed then being stepped on by the size thirteens of his asshole father, was more than enough for her to deal with.
She dragged a hand through her tangled hair. She also needed a shower. Had it been two days? Three? Why was everything so damned hard?
Twenty minutes later, Mason had his earthly possessions in-hand and arrogant Sperm Donor was waving a cheery goodbye. Clare closed the door and sank to the floor, finally letting the tears fall that had been threatening all evening.
Why couldn’t she catch a break?
She was a good person, she gave what she could to charity, she paid her taxes, and she’d never committed a crime in her entire life—except that one time she ran a red light on accident. But just one time.
And while she wasn’t the best mother in the world, she made sure that every single day she was the best she could be.
Why wasn’t it enough? Why was nothing ever enough?
She cradled her head in her hands as she cried. The real question, the one she’d faced every day of her damned life since the pregnancy test had told her she was pregnant with Cat, was why wasshenever enough?
The more she cried, the further she slipped, and by the time she pulled her numb ass from the cold floor tiles and made her way into the kitchen, she was numb.
Elliott had abandoned her. Cat’s dad had abandoned her. Mason’s dad had abandoned her. Her parents were abandoning her to move to Florida. At some point everyone left her. She was broken, unlovable, unworthy of everything.
There was no way in hell Elliott truly wanted her, and even if he did, she didn’t deserve him.
Her chest ached. Her high school boyfriend had left her, Elliott had left her, Cat’s father had left her, and now Mason had left her. Why would she give her heart back to Elliott when he was only going to leave her all over again? Just like he had before, just like everyone else did.
It was only a matter of time.
Chapter 15
Clare
Elliott: Call me when you’re free.
Clare tucked the phone into her back pocket and went back to scrubbing the inside of the toilet bowl. She’d seen some kind of chemical cocktail on social media where a person used what must have been eight full bottles of various cleaning supplies to clean their freakin’ toilet.
The woman on the clip layered the different colors of cleaners over the top of one another to make a vibrant pattern. But as pretty as all the colors were, nothing beat a bit of elbow grease and some Clorox to get the bathroom sparkly clean.
Two days. She’d managed to avoid Elliott for an entire two days without telling him why. He hadn’t called her, or texted much, but he had let her know—twice—that he wanted to talk whenever she had a minute.
But she couldn’t bring herself to pick up the phone.
Mason was gone, Catriona was staying with friends—yet again. She was trying not to get too in her head about the fact that her kid was spending way more time with her friends than she was at home.
She’d be moving out in a couple months anyway, but her ever naïve and hopeful self had thought she’d have more time with her before she flew the coop.
Clare was alone.
She’d cleaned the whole house twice over in two days. Thanks to half a bottle of Fabuloso, she could see her reflection in every floor tile, and if she was so inclined she could eat her breakfast, lunch, and dinner off each of the toilets in the house.
Standing up and blowing at her hair again, she pulled off her gloves, tucked the cleaning supplies back under the sink, and washed her hands.
Next up was food. Now that she’d cleaned the kitchen to within an inch of its life, it was time to trash it again by making a shit ton of comfort food. Why did people do that? Clean up before making a mess?
And wasn’t that how every grown-ass adult dealt with their problems? Bleaching the shit out of their house and then cooking everything in the pantry?
