Apollo pulls me against his chest and strokes my back. “Shhhhh. There, there. It’s all going to be okay. He’s going to wake up and recover. Okay?”
Despite his words, I can’t nod. Until Raffi wakes up, the results of his CT and MRI scans come back, and he talks to me with his own mouth, in his own words, the only thought consuming my every thought is that he might wake up and forget we ever existed.
Again.
Okay, two thoughts. He could also die.
“We’re all here for you, Tori. We’re a family, and we’ve got you.” Apollo doesn’t let me go for a long time. Until I’m cried out all over again, and there’s more snot on his shirt than I have left in my body.
When I eventually pull back, I take in his face. He’s pale, dark rings under his eyes. It was only a few weeks ago that he was in this very hospital after a car accident almost killed his best friend.
How is he so strong, so enduring that he can be in this space so soon after one traumatic incident, for another?
He searches my face. “If he forgets again, we’ll help him remember. Okay?”
What if his brain swells really badly?
What if there are secondary issues? Like clots, or stroke? Is he at higher risk of those things? Probably.
What if he wakes up and wants to skate again? I rub at my chest as a hiccupping sob comes out of my mouth.
“Apollo.” The anguish in my voice draws attention fromacross the waiting room. “What if he doesn’t stop playing? What if he doesn’t wake up? What if…? What if he dies?”
I fall apart on the captain’s shoulder all over again. He’s probably still a bit achy from his own shit, worried about his best friend, and here he is in the hospital that probably brings back awful and recent memories, for a member of his team.
If my heart wasn’t already spoken for, I might shoot my shot.
Apollo doesn’t run away screaming at my breakdown. He just sits next to me, holding me against him. Does he realize he’s holding me together right now? If he lets go, will I fall to pieces? Feels like it.
Eloise gives me an update about Wyatt, she shows me a picture of Ani snuggled up in bed cuddling Wyatt and reading him The Gruffalo. It’s one of his favorite books, and that they even have a copy shows me just how much attention Raffi has been paying.
Another rub of my chest doesn’t shift the pain, and no amount of kneading the muscles in the back of my neck make them any softer.
When Apollo gets up to go and talk to someone, Artemis takes his place, curling his fingers into mine. When Eloise is finished messaging Raffi’s mom with an update, she curls her fingers into my other hand.
We sit in silence, and when Apollo returns with a scowl wrinkling his model face, the weight in my stomach sinks even deeper. “Oh, no.”
“Come with me,” Apollo holds out his hand.
I shake my head, a fresh wave of tears spilling down my cheeks. How can I have tears left in my body?
“If he’s dead just tell all of us.” I gesture around the room with my hand attached to his twin brother’s. “Everyone deserves to know.” I sniff, then wipe my nose with my arm. To his credit, Artemis doesn’t react to the fact his arm was dangerouslyclose to my boogers. These guys are romance movie level stand up guys.
“He’s not dead, amiga. Please? Come with me. You can sit with Raffi while he sleeps.”
My feet carry me to his side before I consciously choose to even stand up from the chair. “You got them to agree to it?”
He nodded. “If something happens and they need to treat him you’re going to have to leave, okay?”
It’s not even a question. Of course I’ll leave if they need me to. I just want to be by his side.
“Bien. Let’s go.”
My feet squeak to a stop on the linoleum floor as it hits me I might not be ready to see him like this. Apollo’s warm hand wraps around my waist, guiding me forward until we get to Raffi’s room.
He gives me a squeeze. “You ready?”
Swallowing hard, I can’t stop my body from shaking again. I’m not, but I need to be, so I wrap my hand around the handle, twist, and push it open.
