“In the hockey community, it’s a tradition to place a hockey stick outside your front door to show respect for a player who won’t be returning home.” Apollo’s voice is thick with pain as he speaks. I don’t know what happened, or who he’s talking about, but it’s clearly having an impact on him.
Victoria is still confused, looking at me with pursed lips.
“The thought is that wherever their spirit is heading next, they might need a stick.”
Mom sniffs again, as Victoria wobbles on her feet. Thankfully Apollo catches her and guides her back to her chair.
“That’s so sad.”
Apollo nods, his face grim. “Is that really why you force yourself onto the ice for every game? Because you don’t want to disappoint your parents, and you don’t want to take out a student loan for the rest of your tuition?”
My face is hot. Everyone’s staring at me, but I can’t deny that it’s true. “I looked into financing. I could get a loan, but the repayments, the interest…it would cripple me for years. There’s no way my parents can take on that level of stress.”
My friend, my leader, my captain shakes his head before sitting at the edge of the bed. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?” He doesn’t wait for me to answer. “Pride? We’re your family, hermano. We could have helped. We still can.”
“Already did.” Before I can object, there’s a new voice in the conversation. Ares leans against the doorframe, arms folded, looking every bit as pale and exhausted as his older brother.
“Already did what, Ares?” I pinch the bridge of my nose, hoping it makes the pounding stop for just a minute. This is an important conversation. I need to figure things out,weneed to figure things out, but my brain is turning to goo inside my skull.
“I paid for your tuition last week when I figured out you were being an enormous cabrón.”
Victoria leans toward Apollo. “What does that mean?”
“Technically it means male goat.”
It’s the first time she’s smiled since I opened my eyes, and the knot in my chest relaxes just a touch.
“And I made sure you can stay in the hockey house for the duration of the year.” He doesn’t even look smug when he says all of this. The intensity on his face suggests he’s angry, but theemotion in his voice tells me he just wants to keep me safe. And it’s all I can do not to cry.
“You did?”
He nods. “Took longer than it should have or could have because my girlfriend wouldn’t gossip or tell me anything, and I had to do some digging myself.”
Victoria gives a smirk of approval before saying, “That’s my girl, Ellie Bellie,” under her breath.
“But I handled it. Pollo is right, though, we could have handled it much sooner if you’d just been honest about it and gotten over yourself.”
“I wanted to play.” The words tumble from my lips on a tired sigh. “I really did. I do. Being on the ice is hard to compete with.”
Ares and Apollo offer sympathetic nods. They get it.
“But lately, it just hasn’t felt the same. Since I found out I lost my memories, almost lost my family.” I can’t bear to look at Victoria right now, her cheeks glisten in my periphery, and I need to hold it together to finish this discussion with my friends and teammates. “I just couldn’t see a way out.”
“That’s when you talk to us, it’s what we’re here for.” Dad’s voice is thick with emotion.
“Or us. We’ve got you, too.” Ares’s voice is firm and emphatic.
“And if you want to do any of those things Tori just listed for you, you come to us, okay? If there’s one thing my siblings and I have in common is that we like to spend our inheritance on worthy causes and people we can trust not to piss it away.” He winces. “Sorry, Mrs. Shaw.”
Mom giggles. “It’s okay, Apollo. I’ve heard worse.”
My teammates stand up and pat my legs like a weird choreographed dance move. “We’ll talk more later, okay? But for now, no more worrying, rest and recovery. We’ll figure it all out,together.” Apollo’s words hit heavily as he and Ares leave the room.
Mom looks like I’ve killed her puppy, Victoria’s sobbing again, and my head hurts like fuck.
“We’ve always taught you to come to us with anything, Raffi.” Dad’s just as crushed as Mom looks. “There’s always a way to fix things, there’s always a choice, you’re never trapped.”
Nodding, tears trickle down the sides of my nose. “I just didn’t want to have to be a college drop out when the whole family’s so proud that I’m the first one to go. I didn’t want to leave hockey when everyone was so excited to have a superstar in the family.”
