Mom drops whatever she’s pulled from the freezer onto the counter and shoves Dad out of the way. “You’re not sleeping? Raphael this isn’t like you. Next you’ll be telling me you aren’t eating.”
Dad laughs. “Then we know the world is ending.”
They back up. Dad pulls a couple beers from the fridge, Mom goes about defrosting whatever deliciousness she’s cooking up and they both just kinda wait, staring. The pressure of their silent gaze makes me crack.
Taking a long slow gulp of my beer, I damn near chokewhen it goes down the wrong pipe. I thump at my chest for a couple seconds while swallowing a few times.
“I think I have a kid.”
Mom gasps, her brows shooting up and grabs Dad’s arm. Dad’s face doesn’t change. I hate that he has this unnerving ability to shield what he’s thinking and feeling. I can’t do that, and I never know if I’m in trouble with him or not.
“You didn’t glove up?” He shakes his head. “Raffi, we’ve always preached safe sex in this house.”
Mom rubs her cheek with her palm. “Well, we have a few months to get ready, right? They don’t just come out full sized. They’ve gotta cook in the oven for a while.”
Holding up a hand, I shake my head. “I didn’t get someone pregnant. Well, I may have, but not recently. The kid’s a toddler. And I’m like, almost sure he’s mine.”
Dad pulls out a stool and Mom sits on it. She’s clutching her chest now, her face contorted, nose scrunched, lips pursed. “Raffi, I don’t understand. How can you have a child?”
Shrugging, I shake my head. “I don’t know. But I think it’s something to do with this.” Pulling up my sleeve, I brandish my ink at them. “The date. I think this tattoo may have something to do with it.” Rubbing at my face with both hands, I grunt. “I don’t remember.” My whisper is quiet, but since it’s the only sound in the kitchen, they hear me.
A squeak of a chair against the tiles suggests either Dad sat down or Mom got up. When a warm hand meets my spine and rubs soothing circles, I know it’s probably the latter.
“We’ve got you, Raphael. It’s all going to be okay. Whatever happened, or happens, you have our full support.” She leans close. “I have another grandbaby?”
I nod. “He looks just like me,mayrik,I can’t see how he’s not mine. And his mom,” I heave out a sigh. “She hates me. She’s so angry at me like…like I got her pregnant and left her to fend for herself.” I know it’s probably a stretch. There’s probably no way he’s mine, but something about the moment I saw that child and his mom that tickled something in the depths of my chest. It hasn’t left me alone since.
Dad hands me a tissue for the tears I didn’t realize were coursing down my face.
“What do I say to her? Hi, I think that might be my kid. Know I haven’t been around for a while but can I take him to a hockey game?” My shoulders shake.
“No, Raf.” Dad reaches out and takes my hand. “You tell her you suffered memory loss from an incident on the ice. There are news articles, pictures of you in hospital, hell, there are medical records, witnesses. She’ll know you’re not making it up.”
“What’s more.” Mom puts the container of food into the microwave and pushes buttons. “You know this. What’s this really about? You’re fearless.” She wipes her hands on her apron before coming over to me again, gripping my shoulders. “Ah.” She stops. “You’re afraid of this. A tiny child.”
“They are fearsome little creatures to be fair.” Dad tips his beer to mine before tossing back a drink. “But you’ve got this, Raffi.”
“And whatever you don’t have, we’ve got you.”
There are too many words building at the back of my throat but none come out, only tears. Mom pulls me against her, letting me cry on her shoulder. I can’t remember the last time I broke down to my parents, or needed The Mom Hug deployed, but right now, in this moment, she’s all that’s holding me together.
“I don’t have time to have a child.” The words come out jerky, fragmented between sniffling sobs.
Dad chuckles. “No one does, Raf. Youmakethe time. They’re eating, crying, shitting machines that cost a fucking fortune. But they’re also the very best parts of you and are worth every second, every penny, every sleepless night.” Hecuffs my arm. “And if we’ve done our job right, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Is it hard? Yes, absolutely. But it’s also the most rewarding and educational thing you’ll ever do in your life.”
Mom’s dabbing at her eyes with her apron. “He’s not wrong, sweetheart. You and your brother were the best gift God could have ever given both of us. Do you want us to come with you?”
Hard pass. I don’t want to blindside the poor girl with a ready-made family of in-laws.
With a shake of my head, I offer a small smile. “No thanks. I’ve got to approach her myself. We’ll see where it goes though.” I pat her arm. “One step at a time.”
Her eyes sparkle with excitement. I know what she’s thinking. Seeing her grandkids only a couple of times a year drives her up the wall. Raz only brings them down once, but she and Dad make the trek into the Canadian tundra a couple times annually to see everyone.
Having a grandkid on her doorstep would bring her so much joy. But I can’t fuck this up again. I need to figure out what to say, how to say it, and where to approach Tori. I need to find a way to get her to let me meet my son.
My son.
The more I think about it, the more I know he’s mine. It settles into my chest with an ease, a warmth. There’s something about this woman. And I’m determined to find out what it is.
