His gaze found mine again and my heart was loud in my ears, thudding like more fireworks were going off. I couldn’t look away from the rich darkness of his eyes. I leaned in closer, the way I had on the Ferris wheel, but he wasn’t on the back foot this time, weakened from the panic overtaking his body, and I had no excuses for doing this, other than the fact I wanted to. I felt so small, moving towards him, the breadth of his shoulders, the warmth of his hard chest like a wide wall I needed to scale to reach what I wanted: his mouth on mine.
I reached my other hand out as though in slow motion and took a handful of his T-shirt, my knuckles pressed over his heart. It was beating as rapidly as mine. I tugged on the fabric; he was too tall, I was too short, I needed him to meet me halfway.
He was staring at my mouth. He dipped his head slowly…and paused. His lips tantalisingly close, his breath dancing over me.
‘This is against the rules.Yourrules.’ His voice was somehow deep and strangled at the same time. ‘I’ve been trying so hard to behave. To not flirt. To be friends.’ He pressed his forehead against mine, angling his chin away and closing his eyes.
Had it been hard for him? I didn’t think of myself as irresistible. He was attracted to me enough that I thought he’d want this now, with me here, offering myself up, our bodies pressed closed but capable of being so much closer. But, in general, he could take me or leave me, couldn’t he?
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘Because you said that’s what you wanted.’ He exhaled an agonised laugh.
Oh yes, that was why.
‘I did say that.’ I lifted my hand to his face, curving it around his jaw, the sharpness of his cheekbone, trying to coax him back into alignment with me. ‘And you are a very good boy for listening.’ My lips found the corner of his mouth and I spoke against it. ‘Listen to me now too. I want this. I want you.’
His lips parted but he still didn’t turn to kiss me. He was vibrating with the tension of holding himself back. Feeling his strong body trembling with energy was unbearably erotic. ‘You want other things too though, don’t you? Things you deserve and that are important to you.’
‘I don’t care…’ And I didn’t. Not at that moment. A million arguments were swirling in my head: my sister telling me how I should enjoy being young, free and single. And, even more so, how I was learning that he was capable of so much that neither him nor I had given him credit for. And…oh God, I didn’t care. I just wanted him. I was tired of trying to fight this.
‘You say that now—’
‘Why don’t we just see what happens?’ I dropped my forehead to his shoulder and spoke into the delicious security of its broadness. My chest ached. I couldn’t bear the thought he was going to stop this. Not now. ‘Kiss me. Please, Stephen.’
The beats drew out and then he stood up, moving around in front of me, leaning his hands on the table, either side of my hips. My heart lurched, hardly daring to hope he was going to give me what I needed: him. He dropped a kiss on my bent head. It could still be platonic. A parting gesture before I abseiled off his balcony to escape the mortification of his rejection.
I tried not to hope too hard but lifted my face up towards him again—
His mouth landed on mine without hesitation, no indecision in the hot press of his lips, no ambiguity in the way we both opened to each other. I groaned embarrassingly loud with relief and lust, but it just seemed to make him kiss me harder.
Finally.Finally.
If I thought I was craving him before, the moment our lips touched, it amplified my need beyond anything I’d experienced. I pulled at his shirt, pushing and tugging it until he broke away and dragged it impatiently over his head. I reached for him, his muscles tightening under my palm as it coasted up, over warm velvet skin, a smattering of coarse hair, then slid down again. Lower than I started. Exploring the firm ridges of his stomach, feeling him breathing deep as I hooked my fingertips in the waistband of his pants.
His hands framed my face, long fingers knotting in my hair to angle my head as he plied me with kisses, lips slanting, tongue tasting and teasing before he guided me into another, and another, so sure and strong I was swept along in the rapid current. It was like he was getting them in before I could change my mind, overwhelming me with his best argument not to reject him.
He needn’t have worried. I pushed my hand down inside the waistband of his pants, inside his underwear and he hissed like I’d burned him, when he was the one who was all heat, smooth and hard, as I caught hold of him greedily, incinerating my brain, my ability to think at all.
If I was going to drown, he was going to as well.
He caught me by the thighs and lifted me up, so I had to release him, wrap my arms around his neck. He carried me deeper into the darkness of his apartment and deposited me on one of the bottom steps of the spiral staircase up to his bedroom.
‘I want to carry you up but—’ He shook his head, breathing ragged. ‘I get too dizzy. I’m sorry. I’m scared I’ll drop you.’
I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled his mouth back to mine for one fierce kiss. Then I turned and raced up to his bedroom. I could hear his footsteps following at a steadier pace as I looked around at the bulky outlines of furniture and the neatly made bed.
Then he was behind me, his hands on my waist, spinning me to face him, walking me back to the bed, settling me on the edge and going down on his knees between my legs, making me throb with anticipation.
The kisses turned deeper and dirtier, the taste of him intense, the best flavour I couldn’t name and the only thing I ever wanted in my mouth again.
He ran his hands up my body, cupped my breasts, thumbs dragging over my nipples briefly, making me whimper as he kept on moving past them, leaving me aching as he wrapped his fingers around my wrists, lifting my arms up high.
‘A good man,’ he murmured against my mouth, ‘would stop this now.’
I arched against him trying to ease my desire, as he linked his fingers through mine, hands over our heads, but the friction only made it worse. It wasn’t enough. What was I getting myself into?
‘So would a smart girl,’ I moaned as he rose over me, the slide of his body against mine like heaven.
