I don’t know if you have any other siblings but, for me, the relationship I have with my brother is something so valuable to me, it’s inconceivable for me not to want to reach out to you and tell you that I’m here. Nick and I argue and clash, but ultimately, no one understands me the way he does, no one gets what it was like to grow up in our house, with our family, what things spark nostalgia, what things bring back bad memories, and who our Mum and Dad (the dad who raised me) truly were behind closed doors, tucking us in at night or telling us off. I know we can’t ever have that shared bond, but we understand something about each other that no one else can as well.
We know what it’s like to have a biological father like Trevor, who didn’t deserve us.
I would love to meet you and get to know you, but I will also understand if you never want to even think about me, ever again. I’m going to be working in New York for the rest of the summer but my girlfriend lives here in New York so I will be visiting as much as I can. Let me know a time and place and I’ll do my best to make it happen.
If you decide not to, I wish with all my heart that you have a good life and that you don’t let Trevor’s treatment of you and your mother taint your view of yourself or the world. And if you ever need me, I’m just an email or a phone call away.
Stephen
I folded the letter and slid it into an envelope, copying the address of Lorna Smith from my phone. I didn’t know if my sister still lived with her mother, but there was no way Lorna could know this was from me, so hopefully she’d pass it on. It was a first step. If I heard nothing by the end of the summer perhaps I’d try visiting the apartment again. Or I’d embark on another search across the city. I had the perfect partner to help me with my mission after all.
‘All done?’ Noelle looked up from her laptop, seated beside me at the table in the apartment, where she was working on the line edits of her book.
‘Yes.’
‘Wanna go mail it?’
‘No time like the present—’
Both our phones started ringing at the same time. We looked at our screens as they vibrated on the table beside us.
‘It’s Beth.’
‘It’s Nick.’
We grinned at each other. We both knew what this meant. Like we were reaching for our guns in a shoot-out, we lifted our phones and answered.
‘I did it, she said yes.’ I heard Nick’s voice, slightly shaking down the phone to me. But only just because the end of the table where Noelle was on the phone to Beth had erupted in squeals. Noelle was on her feet, practically hopping up and down.
‘That’s amazing. Congratulations,’ I told Nick as I walked to the other end of the living room, trying to hear him better as he explained that he’d waited for the summer fete in the village and danced with her to the same band who had played at the Christmas fayre, before going down on one knee.
‘Mum would have liked Beth wouldn’t she?’ Nick asked.
‘Of course she would. She makes you happy. That’s all she ever wanted for us.’
‘Yeah,’ Nick agreed. ‘I’d better ring Nan now.’
We hung up and I had to wait another ten minutes for Noelle to finish on the phone to Beth. Apparently, there were a lot more vital details that Nick had neglected to tell me and I’d been remiss not to ask about.
‘Shall we go for lunch after I’ve posted the letter?’ I asked when she came over to hug me, full of delight for her friend and my brother. ‘Celebrate for them?’
‘Oh, you areon. I’ve got fifty pages left and a break right about now would be perfect. Lemme go fetch my hat.’ She winked at me and hurried up the spiral staircase to my bedroom.
We walked to the nearest mailbox and there were some jitters in my stomach as I grabbed its blue metal handle, hot from the sunshine, but not enough to make me hesitate as I dropped the letter into the cool black space inside.
I couldn’t control the outcome of this, and I was okay with that. I used to think I had to keep everything locked up in box to avoid people being hurt, but I wasn’t sure I even owned a box anymore. It had burst open and now it was time to figure out how to live life with all the messy emotions out. I didn’t want to stuff away the way I felt anymore. I’d given that up when I realised there wasn’t a building, let alone a box, big enough in Manhattan to fit how I felt about Noelle.
So, if my half-sister decided she didn’t want to meet me, I could understand that. I had family who loved me, and it was more than enough to be grateful for. But if Lila did decide to find out who her mysterious older brother was, I knew I could make space in my life and my heart for her.
Noelle linked her fingers through mine and hugged my arm a little. ‘So, what now? Where shall we head for lunch?’
‘Actually, I’ve already booked somewhere.’
‘Really? You sly old dog. Am I dressed appropriately?’ She smoothed a hand down her sleeveless blouse, and I dropped a kiss on her forehead.
‘You look perfect.’
We caught the subway as the restaurant I booked was all the way on Madison Avenue. It wasn’t too busy, but we stood up because there were no seats spare together. I held on to the rope and Noelle held on to me, as she told me all about the two ideas she’d had for the books she was going to pitch to her editor. One being a romance about a history teacher and a former student who meet again years after she had a crush on him and wrote sordid fan fiction about him, the other being a dark thriller, surrounding a disappearing apartment. This was a new part of the process I was getting to witness with her, so different to the way she’d disappeared into her edits. She was alight with ideas and possibilities, beautiful and fascinating.
