‘It just stops?’ She frowned up at him.
‘Yeah. Maybe my body can’t cope anymore and forces me to sleep.’
‘Or you’ve dealt with the thing that’s worrying you.’
He wrinkled his nose. ‘I can’t in all honesty say it’s worry keeping me awake at night. My life is pretty sweet.’
She tilted her head. ‘Everyone has worries though, don’t they? It doesn’t mean you’re not grateful for what you’ve got.’
‘True. I can’t think of anything though.’ He had annoyances, that much was true, but he was such a lucky man, and he knew it. ‘What?’ A smile pulled at his mouth as he studied her expression. ‘You’re looking at me suspiciously, like you think I’m lying to you.’
‘Am I? Oh God, sorry, no – of course I don’t think you’re lying to me—’ Her face paled.
‘Lila, relax, it’s fine.’
‘But I don’t want you to take offence. And it’s none of my business.’
‘I haven’t taken offence. I’m just interested.’ He ducked his head a little to make sure she met his eye. ‘Lila, Iliketalking to you and Ilikehearing what you’re thinking. You can say anything to me – I swear it.’ He really couldn’t fathom how hard it must be for her to censor herself constantly. Most of the time he barely had enough brain capacity to knowwhathe was going to say before he actually said it.
She swallowed and pressed her lips together and then nodded slowly. ‘Right. Okay.’ She took that deep, steadying breath that he was starting to recognise as her way of steeling herself before she opened up and made herself vulnerable. ‘Well. I guess I’m just finding it hard to understand how things don’t bother you. How you are a worry-free zone? I kind of want to crack your head open and see what’s wired so differently inside your brain to mine.’
‘Well, that’s graphic. And a little violent,’ he teased, eager to alleviate the pinched look around her eyes.
She glanced down as she laughed, a little dimple appearing on her right cheek. ‘What do you then, while you’re trying to get off to sleep if you’re not lying awake worrying?’
‘I read. I run through my lines or the scenes. Listen to instrumental music or meditation podcasts. I try to avoid watching television, but I’ve got to admit the lure of my phone is sometimes too much. Especially now I know that my sister is likely to be awake in the middle of the night at the moment. It’s a good chance to touch base with her that I wouldn’t normally get.’
‘She’s up with the baby?’ She looked up again, and the genuine enthusiasm in her eyes made him feel jumbled up inside. ‘How are they doing?’
‘Really well, thanks. I know it sounds biased but she’s such a great mum. And Terry – my brother-in-law – is brilliant. He’s set a great example to Jordan, their eldest. He actually wants to help out. I was around the same age when he came along and didnothave the same enthusiasm for pitching in with nappies and feeds.’
‘You sound really close.’
He shrugged and gave her a half-smile. ‘They’re probably part of that mystery about what keeps me sane. Have you got any brothers or sisters?’
She bit her lip. ‘I do. But…I only found out I have a half-brother last year.’ She crossed her arms over her chest. ‘He sent me a letter in the summer, and I still haven’t replied.’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s just…a whole lot of awkward? The only thing we have in common is that our dad skipped out on us.’
‘That you know of.’ He shifted, subconsciously shielding her from the crew carrying equipment out of the alleyway. They should probably get out of here now, but he didn’t want to cut the conversation off with her prematurely.
She tucked her hair back behind her ear. ‘Well, that’s what he said, and since he’s the older one and Dad was in New York with me, he definitely wasn’t with him in London—’
‘No. I mean, that’s all youthinkyou’ve got in common. You don’t know him yet.’
She pursed her lips together. ‘That’s true, I suppose. But I just worry that if I meet him, we’ll have nothing to talk about.’
‘I severely doubt that. You’ve got your entire lives to catch up on. But also, if you don’t get on, so what? He isn’t in your life right now, what do you have to lose by giving it a chance?’
‘You are underestimating the agony of a single, painful social experience for me.’ She gave a faint laugh.
‘Fair enough,’ he said softly. ‘So, what do you think motivated him to contact you? Just curiosity?’
‘Probably. I’m mean,I’mcurious. It’s strange to get my head around being related to someone –havingbeen related to someone my whole life – who I never even knew existed. Although maybe he felt he just had to do it out of duty or something? He said, even if I didn’t want to get to know him, if I ever needed him, to let him know.’
He frowned, aware that his curiosity about the way her mind worked, was starting to grow too. Her automatic response to someone wanting to get to know her was that it was just out of obligation? ‘I don’t think obligation can be it on its own. Yes, it sounds like family is important to him, but if he knew you were unaware of his existence, he needn’t have bothered. He mustwantto know you.’
