‘No breaking wrists,’ he attempted to joke.
And then they did the take again and Antonio did squeeze tighter, until his arm throbbed, but that wasn’t what kept him in the moment.
He let the fear take over. Tremors worked their way out through his body, his breath rasped in and out and tears streamed down his face, because he knew exactly how Billy would have felt in that moment. An aching disbelief that it had come to this, and terrified of what was about to happen. Desperate and powerless.
And then they broke for lunch.
Wesley patted him on the back as he walked, as quickly as he could without breaking into a run, to the seclusion of his trailer, so he could try to pull himself back together again.
Lila
Rowan had walked off when the lunch break was called without waiting for his continuity photos. It was strange enough that he wasn’t joining everyone in the canteen area like he usually did. Not that Lila watched his every move…
Unsure of herself, she went around to Antonio and Leo to do their photos and then caught Sibyl. She felt a little like she was tattling on Rowan, but she wasn’t sure whether she should follow him or not, to try and get the photos before they moved on to the next part of the scene.
‘He did what?’
Lila didn’t bother to repeat herself, as she was assuming Sibyl’s question was rhetorical. ‘Shall I go find him?’
‘If you can. He’s probably in his trailer.’ Sibyl raised her eyebrow. ‘I assume you know where that is?’
Lila’s cheeks warmed as she shook her head.Shouldshe have known where Rowan’s trailer was? She probably could have worked it out herself without asking Sibyl, but she didn’t really want to get lost on the unit base she’d been working on for nearly a month.There are no stupid questions,she repeated to herself. It was better to admit it than get lost, not get the photos they needed and miss out on lunch.
Sibyl sighed and gave her some short, sharp directions. Lila hurried off, equally eager to be away from her short-tempered boss as she was to check that Rowan was okay. Perhaps he’d had some bad news or needed to make an important phone call? Or maybe he needed to get away from the set?
It had been a tough morning. Practically everyone had felt the tension. First from having to do so many takes – twice the usual number – and then with the raw performance Rowan had pulled out. Lila’s heart had hurt watching him like that – she’d had to remind herself it was just acting. He wasn’t really scared or in pain.
It had put her worries about there being any weirdness between them into perspective. Why had she been imagining their awkward moment on the beach would occupy his attention? With everything that had happened with Stan, and the obvious pressure of performing such intense scenes, she doubted she’d even crossed his mind for a second.
His trailer was halfway between the set and the makeup unit. It wasn’t as big as she’d imagined. She’d been picturing something more like Wesley’s production office, whereas this was about the size of a small static caravan. The sun reflected off its surface, making her squint as she rapped her knuckles lightly on the door.
A minute or so of waiting and she wondered whether he was there at all. If he wasn’t, she didn’t have much hope of finding him…unless she called him? She was just fishing her cell phone out of her pocket and switching it back on when she heard his voice: ‘Come in.’
She pushed open the door and stepped inside. The short, narrow entrance opened out into a small sitting-dining-kitchen area, and he was standing by the counter, the light from the high window with its privacy glass throwing shadows across his face, making the angles even sharper.
‘Lila. What are you doing here?’ His tone was curiously flat, and her heart kicked up a notch, thinking that maybe he was going to get cross about her putting them in another compromising position when he swore and carried on. ‘I forgot to hang around for the photos, didn’t I? Damn. Sorry.’
‘It’s fine. Can I?’
‘Sure.’ He braced his hands on the countertop behind him, his shoulders hunched as he held still for her.
She took the photos quickly and then put the camera down on the little table. She could go now. She probablyshouldgo…but he looked so wrung out and this was for work, and everyone had seen him leave prematurely. They had a good reason to be in his trailer alone. Sibylknew; it wasn’t like she was sneaking around doing anything that looked suspicious. Leaving him without even bothering to check he was okay felt kind of heartless.
‘Are you all right?’ She shifted her weight from foot to foot.
‘Yeah.’ He shrugged, looking at the toe of his dusty boot.
He wasn’t though. She could see that. She chewed on her cheek for a moment, willing herself not to fall into her old pattern of being overcautious. Sometimes, other people needed you to coax them out, like she’d done with Ruth. Just because he had retreated, didn’t mean it was to do with her, or he didn’t want her around – it just meant he was going through something, and she wanted to be there for him, rather than always worrying about protecting herself.
Even if there was still a little voice inside warning her that she was bothering him, and that he didn’t want company or to be plied with questions.
‘Did you have a disagreement with Wesley?’ she asked.
‘No. Not at all.’
‘But something upset you.’ She didn’t even phrase it as a question and when all he did was shrug again, she took a deep breath. ‘If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay. I’ll go. Let you have some space. I just… I’m here if you want to talk. You know I won’t tell anybody if it’s private.’ She laughed. ‘I’m the perfect person to tell stuff to, in fact, given how hard I find it to talk to other people.’
He leaned back, catching her eyes in his dark gaze, brow furrowed, and then he blinked, like he was waking up from something and for the first time since she entered the trailer he seemed to be really seeing her. ‘That’s not why I like talking to you, Lila.’
