‘If “playing the game” means that I have to stand by and not get involved when a dirty old letch is assaulting someone, then I’ve no interest in it.’
She stared at him. ‘You’re such a self-righteous prick. Thanks a fucking bunch for wasting my time.’
‘I didn’t ask you to come here.’
‘And that makes it okay that you’re willing to humiliate me?’ She glanced around her at the crew who were moving past, heads turning their direction, and she made an attempt to lower her voice. ‘What would it even cost you to do a photo opp with me while I’m here?’
Everything,he thought automatically and had a moment of pause – because it wasn’t quite everything. It wouldn’t cost him the big franchise role. And it wouldn’t cost him his agent. It would only help those situations, which had been his priority when he came out to Sicily. When had that changed? It was tempting to think it was when he gave in and kissed Lila, but that wasn’t the truth. That had only been the last straw of a string of decisions he kept struggling over because what Gerrard wanted of him, and who he was, were fundamentally opposed.
‘It’s not me. It’s never going to be. And even if I were to agree to going somewhere with you today and having photos taken and leaked that made us look like we’re so in love, it couldn’t possibly be true I was cheating on you, something else would hit the fan next week. It’s a lost cause.’I’m a lost cause.That was what Gerrard was going to think.
‘Ugh.’ She shook her head. ‘Fine. If that’s the way you want to play it. But I warned you. I’ll see you bussing tables in LA.’
It was definitely a threat. But what could she really do? She might tell some lies about him to press, but she held no power in the movie industry – and Gerrard would hardly thank her for undermining his hard work in polishing up Rowan’s image.
He didn’t even wait to see her drive off. He jumped on the Vespa he rented and headed home, so he could call Lila and set the record straight. Clouds were rolling in fast from the sea, darkening the roads, which wound down the hillsides, shadows chasing over the fields. He pulled over when he had to, waiting for coaches and trucks to go past with barely contained patience, but there with no railings in some places and it wasn’t worth trying to squeeze past.
By the time he got back to the rain had started, spots of it darkening the dusty paving stones leading up to the front door, the smell of a storm in the air.
Before he even sat down, he was calling Lila. And she was sending him to voicemail. He called again.
What could he do to fix this mess he’d made? Until Lila talked to him nothing. But as for his family…maybe he could organise a trust for the kids. Put the money aside for their university fees and invest or something so it grew over time? He’d need to talk to his accountant about it.
He went to send an email about it but found himself sending text messages to Lila instead. That was the more immediate issue.
If Lila didn’t believe him and broke up with him, he was going to lose it. All because Gerrard hadn’t listened to him. All because he was so adamant that Rowan needed to project some stupid image in order to get that stupid role, which he was pretty sure he didn’t even want now.
All because Rowan had gone along with it when he’d known in his gut it was a bad idea.
The depth to which this was making him panic was frightening in itself. But he didn’t want to lose this thing they had. He had to talk to her.
Lila
When they’d got back to the apartment, Lila had kept finding herself in a new place, doing something, and not realising how she got there. In her room, in the shower, in her room again, going through the motions. Ruth was bustling about, calling around people so a big gang of them could go into Catania.
As she walked out of her bedroom and spotted Lila on the sofa in her shortie night clothes, she paused. ‘Hang on. Weren’t you meant to be going to Colin’s tonight?’
Lila shook her head. ‘Change of plans.’
‘Aren’t you feeling well?’
Not really.Every time she thought of Rowan with Cassandra, her stomach turned over. She raised a weak smile. ‘I’m fine.’
‘Oh, right. I see.’ Ruth nodded and sat down beside her, a gust of perfume enveloping them both. She threw her arm around Lila’s shoulders and gave her a hug. ‘Is he playing silly beggars with you? Don’t let him get away with it. My mum always told me that actions speak louder than words. You’re not something to be picked up and dropped, right?’
‘Right. Thanks, Ruth.’ Her lips were numb as she spoke, and she wanted them to stay that way until she was on her own. Luckily, Ruth only spent another ten minutes fussing with her hair before she hurried out the door.
Lila went over to the window and opened the shutters, sitting on the ledge to look out at the sea. It was frothing and the trees were swaying back and forth, the sky darkening as though night had already arrived even though there was still a while until sunset. The breeze was refreshing but the turbulence didn’t exactly soothe her.
Had Rowan been stringing her along this whole time? He’d said he didn’t have a girlfriend when she mentioned it to him – and she’d just assumed that meant he wasn’t involved with Cassandra. She’d jumped to the handy conclusion that it was all press conjecture, like he’d told her happened all the time. But maybe he just didn’t like using the label of “girlfriend”. Why let it cramp your style when you could dangle a few women at a time.
Had Lila just been someone to entertain him while he was here in Sicily?
Or was that just normal for people dating these days? What did she know about relationships really? She’d only ever had one proper long-term boyfriend and, now that she could compare it to how things felt when she was with Rowan, they’d virtually been strangers.
But all that intimacy and connection…had she really just been imagining it?
She heard her cell phone ringing from in the bedroom and went to get it. Rowan’s name was flashing up on the screen, but her heart felt like it was undergoing an acupuncture session administered by a gorilla. The next needle was going to slam all the way through to her spine.
