‘I was talking to the coffee,’ Noelle cracked, and Lila laughed. It was the first time she’d laughed since Monday.
‘I might’ve guessed.’ Stephen put his arm around Noelle’s shoulders. ‘Shall we?’
‘Sure. You ready, Lila?’
‘Yeah.’ Lila nodded. Despite everything else that was going on in her life, crazily, it did actually feel like she was ready for this.
Rowan
Rowan went back to his trailer during the lunch break. He didn’t get anything to eat. He just wanted to sit by himself. He couldn’t say how the morning filming had gone, and he knew that was something he should care about, but he couldn’t find it in himself, all the while he didn’t know how Lila was, or where she was, or if she was coming back.
He hoped the space helped her. He hoped she found the strength to face coming back.
Most of all, he hoped that she still wanted to be with him – that she’d forgive him.
His phone buzzed, Gerrard’s name flashing across the screen. He’d almost forgotten about Gerrard. He still didn’t know what he was going to say to him – or how he’d react to what Gerrard was probably going to say to him. Without a doubt, he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to have that conversation.
It wasn’t just about the PR stuff. It was everything. Coming out here, doing this film, learning things about himself as an actor and a person, about who and what mattered to him – it had all made him realise that this partnership between him and his agent wasn’t comfortable for him anymore. They wanted different things.
Gerrard wanted him to morph himself into some bland, digestible PR image. To invite the press into his life – fake or real – he didn’t care so long as the media were happy. All so he could land big-money roles.
And Rowan had thought he should be doing that to begin with too. Because who was he to look this gift horse in the mouth? And shouldn’t he do everything he could to make sure his family were set up and didn’t want for anything?
But, they were already, really. He’d even invested in the kids’ futures. They didn’t need more from him, and they’d never asked for it. He was pretty sure that if he spoke to them, they’d say what they wanted was for him to be happy. And if sticking with Gerrard and chasing roles that would leave him wallowing in this numbness, not growing, not learning more about himself or how much he was capable of as an actor, was making him unhappy – he knew what they’d say about that too.
Not that it was as simple as that. They were separate from the industry. It would be easy for them to say to him “leave your agent” but where would that leave his career? He needed advice.
Rowan: Guys, any of you around? Sorry – I know it’s the middle of the night for you. When one of you is up, I need some advice.
Pearl: I’m up! Getting ready for the car to arrive. What’s up? Is it about that witch Cassandra – I know you weren’t dating her.
Rowan: It’s connected but no, you’re right I wasn’t dating her. My agent engineered a PR stunt and I didn’t want it. When I told him that, he carried on anyway.
Pearl: Oh no! That is. Not. On.
Rowan: Right. I did agree initially. But I called it off. I know we joke about my media skills – the lack of them, I mean. But it’s like we’re on different pages.
Pearl: And you’re wondering if this is a deal-breaker thing?
Rowan: Yeah. I am. But I’ve been with him ten years. I don’t want to knee-jerk react. And I don’t want to nuke my career.
Pearl: But if you stay with an agent who isn’t acting according to what you want – that’s going to nuke your career too surely? What do you want going forwards?
Rowan: I don’t want to be hassled to put on a fake media persona. And I think I want to explore other roles. Move away from the action hero stuff. Maybe even indie movies. It’s been a great experience out here. I’m enjoying it.
Pearl: Then you should lay it all out on the table with him.
Rowan: But if I have to walk away will that be it for me? I’ve hardly got a great image at the moment.
Pearl: Of course it won’t be the end for you. You’ll find another agent and seriously, the press stuff is a hassle but there are bigger assholes out there still getting work. I think you of all people know that.
Rowan: Stan Gillian?
Pearl: Precisely.
Rowan: All that stuff is hardly going to help me, is it?
Pearl: You don’t want to work with those people anyway though, do you? You’ve just made it easier to avoid the lowlifes really, right?
