Chapter Fifteen
Lila
The next day, Noelle took Lila out to the local bookstore to find some books on social anxiety. Stephen’s stuff was focused mainly on CBT and now that Lila was actually thinking about it properly, she figured that there might be more than one way to turn the Gremlin back into a Mogwai, so to speak.
Noelle wandered off with her Sharpie towards the crime section, while Lila searched through the psychology and self-help sections, finding two books that looked relevant.
She felt ridiculous for not thinking of doing this sooner – but it had always felt so helpless. She’d always felt completely trapped within her own behaviour. It wasn’t like she hadn’t tried – but the trying had been along the lines of her telling herself to “just do it already” and “act normal and get over it”.
And the tough-love method hadn’t been without any success to be fair. It had got her to Sicily at least. But it wasn’t until she met Rowan and he listened patiently, without judging, and then suggested different ways of looking at things, that she began tofeelany better. Obviously, it’d hadn’t fixed her – why would she expect it to – Rowan was not a psychologist. But maybe if she got the advice of an expert, like Rowan was considering for his insomnia and dissociation, and like Stephen had done for his fear of heights, then she might have the tools to improve some more. Truly find a better way of thinking and reacting, bit by bit.
She had no idea how long it would take. She wished there was a handy section in one of the books that said, “Do this for one month and you’ll be cured,” but she doubted it was that easy. Rowan had said he would wait for her but that was before she’d broken up with him. If she did this, she couldn’t use getting him back as her motivation. It had to be for her. She’d seen glimpses of herself when she was with him and that’s what she wanted for herself – to be strong enough to be that person, all the time. Like Rowan was with his integrity and his honesty.
No. Rowan wasn’t going to be her motivation. But maybe he could be her inspiration, and that’s how she’d always be able to keep him close, in her heart, knowing that her time with him had helped set her on the true path to being the person she wanted to be.
Rowan
Rowan finally psyched himself up to make the call to Gerrard the following morning. His mum was in kitchen the cooking up a brunch from food they’d bought whilst on an early morning walk to the nearest town, so he stepped outside, walking to the end of the garden and settling on a stone bench facing the villa, under the shade of a eucalyptus.
He was going to put how he wanted things to continue to Gerrard, like Pearl had suggested, and then see if it was a deal-breaker for him. If it was, then so be it. Either way he would come out of this conversation better off than when he went into it. For the first time he actually believed that.
‘Ah, the elusive Rowan Walker, finally calling me back,’ Gerrard said dryly when he answered. ‘Dare I ask what you’ve been busy doing?’
‘I’m not interested in passive-aggressive BS, Gerrard.’ Rowan gripped the edge of the stone seat with his free hand, reminding himself that he needed to keep the focus of this call in mind – not allow himself to become reactive and lose his temper. ‘I’ve needed some time to think. About a lot of stuff. I’m really narked that you sent Cassandra here when Itoldyou I didn’t want to be a part of a PR stunt anymore.’
‘When did you tell me that?’ Gerrard’s voice rose.
Rowan blinked. ‘After what happened with Stan Gillian.’
‘I don’t recall that.’
‘Really?I don’t know if that makes it better or worse,’ Rowan muttered to himself.
‘Either way,’ Gerrard’s tone was the vocal equivalent of a broom sweeping it under the rug, ‘I’m in a sticky position now because of the pair of you. Obviously, I’m not happy with what Cassandra did, going to the media, but she was led mainly by that Sibyl. Rest assured, I’ve been in touch with the production about her breaking the NDA. Even if you shouldn’t have been dallying when weexpresslytalked about it, we can’t have someone working with you who will sell stories.’
Rowan’s mouth worked noiselessly as he processed what he’d just heard. He stood up, heart pounding, needing to move as his temper strained on its leash. ‘You did what?’
‘Well, Iwouldhave told you, but you haven’t been answering my calls.’
‘Jesus Christ.’ Rowan pinched the bridge of his nose, hard, squeezing his eyes shut, blocking out the bright sunshine playing over the peaceful scene before him.
‘You don’t agree with that either?’
He took a deep breath. ‘No. I mean – yes – I agree she shouldn’t have broken the NDA but not that we should have acted on it. Especially when it was done because of one ofyourother clients. How hypocritical is that?’
‘I’m just trying to protect you from further problems. Clearly, nothing is going to come out in the press about the incident with Stan Gillian, so you are left as both a diva and black-marked with anyone he has the ear of in Hollywood. I’ve just been trying to limit the damage. As per usual.’
‘If you don’t like it, then you can stop.’
‘What?’
‘I don’t care if the press want to give me a reputation as a womaniser or a diva or whatever else they think will sell their gossip rags. It doesn’t matter to me. I’m not going to change my mind about having boundaries where they’re concerned – my private life isprivate. If that’s what happens because I choose not to answer personal questions, then so be it.’
‘And what about the effect that has on your career?’
‘If that’s all some producers are interested in, then I just won’t be in their films. It’s been nothing but a disaster since I tried your way of doing things, so no – it’s not happening anymore. Wesley’s already sent me another script for a project he thinks I’ll be good for—’
‘Another tiny indie movie?’
