Chapter Sixteen
Rowan
The day’s filming had just wrapped in the church. The setting sun outside taking the place of what should have been a rising sun in the chronology on screen. It didn’t matter, the light coming through the stained glass of the nave was golden and made the inside glow, with its beautiful fresco behind the altar and the pale stone walls lighting up.
He thanked Marissa, the actress who’d filled in the new role that had been written in place of Stan Gillian’s priest, and he waited for Ruth to come over and take his photos before he left. Most of the equipment was staying, locked in the church, because they would be back the next day, so the crew were filing out too. Ruth finished up with Marissa but didn’t come over to him.
He called after her and she grinned and shook her head. ‘Not me, today,’ she called back.
He shrugged and waited. Did that mean that they’d found a new person to replace Lila? He hated that idea, but he was going to have to swallow over it. He pretended to be interested in the statue next to him of the Virgin Mary until the wave of longing passed him by.
‘Hey, are you ready for me?’ a soft voice asked from behind him.
He turned so quickly he lost his balance and had to grab on to the top of the pew beside him.
Lila was standing there, wearing a plain blue T-shirt and a pair of shorts, her hair tied up and the camera in her hands, like she’d never left.
‘Lila,’ he breathed. ‘You’re here. You’re back.’ He took two swift steps over towards her, forgetting himself and pulling up short when she bit her lip and looked around her. Of course, there were still people around them – and she’d broken up with him, he couldn’t just go over and hug her to him the way he wanted to.
‘I’m back.’ She stared down at the camera in her hands. Her fingers were trembling. A couple of people were watching, and Rowan repressed the urge to glare at them until they left. It must have been so hard for her to walk back on this set again, with everything that worried her about people talking. ‘Ruth called me and said I was welcome to come back…and I wanted to. I didn’t want to run away again.’
‘That’s amazing, Lila. I don’t want to sound patronising, but I’m so proud of you.’
She looked up then and gave him a small smile, making his heart skip a beat. ‘It’s not patronising. I’m proud of me too. You were right when we talked the other night – I’ve come further than I thought I had. Some time away helped me see that.’
If she could face the crew that she’d been so worried would gossip about her, did that mean…? But no, he couldn’t underestimate how difficult it had been for her. He couldn’t underestimate how much extra pressure his situation put on her.
‘That’s great.’ He nodded, his throat suddenly feeling thick. He was so pleased to see her here, so happy that she had overcome her fears about it – but how hard was it going to be to see her every day and not be with her?
She raised the camera. ‘We should probably…’
‘Right. Go for it.’ He crossed his arms and tucked his hands in his armpits to stop himself from wanting to touch her as she moved around him. It was torture, the faint scent of her reaching out to torment him with memories of her skin. He shut his eyes against it until she was done.
She put the camera down on the pew and smoothed her T-shirt down. But she didn’t walk straight off. Thank God. ‘So Sibyl losing her job…?’ she started, her voice low.
‘It wasn’t me who got Sibyl fired,’ he said quickly. ‘My agent did it. Without asking me. Ex-agent, I should say.’
She frowned and reached her hand out, dropping it before she touched him. ‘He dropped you?’
‘It was a mutual decision. I know people always say that—’ he gave a wry smile ‘—but in that case it is true.’
She stared at his mouth for a moment and then seemed to rouse herself. ‘And you’re okay with it?’
‘I am. I want things to be different going forwards. I want to concentrate on the acting – not big parts with lots of money. Smaller ones I care about.’ He took a shaky breath. ‘I’ve been chafing against what I really wanted because of what he was making me think I should be doing, and what I felt I owed my family – and maybe the universe – for handing me such a good deal. But I wasn’t on the right path. That’s why it was all going wrong I think.’ He rubbed the back of his neck and gave a small laugh. ‘I’ve never really been into all that fate and destiny stuff…until I met you.’
Her eyes widened and her breath hitched but she didn’t say anything and so he ploughed on anyway because he needed her to know.
‘I feel like being with you woke me up. I can see myself more clearly now and that I can trust myself to deal with the problems that I’ve been ignoring.’ He licked his lips. ‘I know you said it wouldn’t work because you have things you need to work through, and I’d never want you to suffer…but, Lila, I’ll always be waiting for you. I won’t be able to help myself.’
She put her hand up to cover her mouth and shook her head.
‘I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that – I don’t want to make this any harder for you—’
‘No. Rowan.’ She stepped forward and took his shirt in his hands. ‘Youdon’t make it hard for me. Your situation is difficult for me – of course it is – the attention that your fame brings…but I’m going to try CBT. Some of the things I’ve researched have already helped me. I haven’t been suffering because ofyou. You know that. It’s all in my head.’ She looked up at him, her green eyes alight like the stained-glass window. ‘But you help me see things more clearly too. I feel like – ridiculous as it may seem with us being so different – maybe we’re soul mates—’ her cheeks flushed but she didn’t stop speaking ‘—because you see me and understand me and I’m completely myself with you, like I’ve never been before. All our time together has helped me begin to uncover who I really am and what I’m capable of. I don’t want to make your life difficult, and I can’t promise that I’m not going to freak out again, but if it’s not too late for us, I don’t want to wait. I want to be with you again. Now.’
If it’s not too late for us.He reached out and put his arms around hers, squeezing her close like he could absorb her into his body, her head against his heart, right where he needed her to be. ‘Of course it’s not too late. Lila, it’s been a week.’ He laughed a little. ‘I’m in love with you. Of course it’s not too late.’
She looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears, but she was smiling. ‘Oh, thank God. I’m so sorry, Rowan. So sorry I ran off and broke up with you.’
