As I got ready for bed, the feeling of needing to have the conversation we’d been putting off kept intensifying. I hadn’t told him I loved him yet, but I felt it and I could see it in his eyeswhen he looked at me. That had to mean something, right? For the future?
If everything around my work went as it had for a decade now, I’d be gone for a long time. The recording and production of the album would swallow a lot of the pre-tour time. Wren had the routine in his bones by now, and he and his people responsible for all that were efficient as fuck.
Then the tour would start. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that if we counted a handful European concerts, which I knew Wren would want to do especially if he was beginning to think about quitting because he’d want to give the EU fans a last hurrah, we were talking about more than a year.
A year wouldn’t cut it if I wanted to stay by Wren’s side as long as he wanted to keep doing this thing. And that wasifhe really was quitting.
I could—we could—come back maybe twice during that time, and even if Emery got time off work to come meet me somewhere on the road… it just didn’t seem enough.
The door opened and he stepped in, his smile falling off his beautiful face when he saw my expression.
“What’s wrong, sugar?” he asked. All I had for him was a wavery smile, and he immediately understood. “Ah.”
“Get ready for bed. Then we’ll talk, okay?” I didn’t want interruptions, I just wanted this talk to get to some point where we had even a loose plan. And after that, we’d either make love or sleep, whichever we had the energy for.
Emery gave me a small smile back. “Okay.”
For once, I couldn’t quite read his body language.
Chapter 22
Emery
Iwent through my routine in the bathroom—pee, wash my face and hands, brush my teeth—automatically, very purposefully not thinking. At least I tried. In actuality, my mind was racing, thoughts too fast to really keep track of. There and gone. All the things I could say, what I should say instead of what I wanted to, trying to predict whatVillewould say and how I could and should respond, chased each other through my brain.
But funnily enough, when I made it back to the bedroom and had my sleep shorts in hand, I got stuck on wondering if I should even bother to put them on. Was it necessary? Were we going to have sex, like we had just about every night since he arrived? Or was this it, the final moment, where we decided it was over? I’d thought I had a few more days, since he and Wren weren’t leaving until Sunday, but maybe Ville was ready to rip the band aid off and be done.
I sucked in a breath when he wrapped himself around me, pressing his chest to my back, and tugging me in close. He found my neck with his lips, sucking there just a little, and I breathed out slowly as I gave him my weight, letting the shorts drop.
“Your mind is going a mile a minute, huh?” he asked, just a hint of amusement in his tone. The words vibrated against my skin, making me shiver.
“No, not at all. Completely blank up here.”
His soft chuckle signaled he knew I was trying for funny. He tightened his arms, holding me so close, and it helped to settle me. Nothing like getting squished back into my own body when my nerves were on edge. Ville was an expert by now.
“Adult and practical me knows we need to have this conversation,” I admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “But it would be easier to just ostrich the fuck out of this.”
That made him snort, and since his face was still against my neck, I jerked away. Not that he let me go far. In fact, he squeezed me back against him for a moment before slowly releasing me. Ville turned me around, and cupped my face, his thumb sweeping along my jaw.
He opened his mouth, but I gave him a light shove. Not that I wanted him to take his hands off me, because I never did, but because I couldn’t have this conversation if he was looking at me with sadness and affection. It was a lethal combination.
I nudged and pushed him toward the bed, though he only went because he allowed himself to be moved. When he was situated, I crawled between his legs, putting my back to his front again, and was instantly gratified when he wrapped his arms around me again. I settled in, and just breathed for a few minutes. I kept hoping he would start, but when he didn’t, I knew I was gonna have to be the one to kick things off.
“I know you’re never going to leave Wren for me.”
Ville’s breath hitched, his chest stuttering against my back. “Emery, that’s not—”
“I get it.” I patted his hands where they were holding on to me. “Believe me, sugar. I understand. Not only is he your closest friend, but his safety is in your hands. You are the sole reason he’s alive and breathing, doing his thing, unscathed by all the people out there who want a piece of him.”
Ville gave me a little shake that made my lips quirk up into some semblance of a smile. When he spoke, his tone was a touch begrudging. “That’s not…entirely true.”
I didn’t bother to respond to that. I knew him. And while he’d gathered a team of incredibly capable people, ones that he trusted Wren with, he’d never be able to walk away. Without him at the helm, Ville wouldn’t stop worrying, and there was a part of him convinced that hewasthe reason Wren was still good.
“But that leaves us in a quandary doesn’t it?” I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to find my words. “I have to be here in order to do my job. You have to be with him to do yours. It’s why we both knew, going in, that this thing between us had an end date. It was just while you were here.”
He harrumphed. After a few seconds of silence, he said, “You know, Wren could employ a full-time doctor.”
I chuckled. “While that’s a nice thought, it’s not really practical, yeah? And anyway, it wouldn’t be me. My dream has always been to serve this community, and I’m lucky that the stars aligned and I’m doing it already. Do you understand the things that had to line up in order for me to be where I am at my age?”
