“Oh.” She looks surprised someone asked her. “Yeah, I’m alright. Are you looking to buy a new bed?”
“Nope. I’m actually in the market for jodhpurs. Think I might be in the wrong shop,” I say, and she laughs.
“Jesus, fuck,” Pi mutters from beside me, making me laugh more. “Sometimes I forget that you’re a dad, and then you remind me in the most cringe way possible. That joke didn’t even make sense.”
“I thought it was funny,” the saleswoman says—lies.
“What are jodhpurs?” he asks.
“Horse riding trousers.” I jump to my feet and slap a hand down onto the mattress. “How much is this bad boy? And are we too late for same day delivery?”
“No, not too late for same day delivery, but it depends on what size you want. Anything bigger than a double comes from up country—”
I interrupt her. “King-sized won’t even fit in the room, so it’ll have to be a double.”
She looks at Pi and then me, her eyes travelling up and down our bodies, and I know she’s working out whether we’re a couple or just friends who’ve come bed shopping together.
I’m about to give her zero reason to question her initial judgement. “What’s the weight limit?”
She hesitates. “It’s two hundred and fifty kilograms.” I can tell by the tremor in her voice that she’s not sure, or perhaps she’s trying to calculate the combined load of Pi plus me.
“Hmm,” I say, pondering it. I’m one hundred and eighteen. Pi’s definitely lighter than me, but that doesn’t leave much wiggle room. “Is that static weight?”
“What do you mean?” she says.
Pi gets to his feet, shaking his head. “Don’t do this,” he whispers.
“What would happen if the two hundred and fifty KGs were . . . oscillating . . . very quickly on the bed?”
“Nope, I’m out of here. I’ll wait for you back in Bath.” Pi makes to leave, but I grab his arm.
“Oh, same day delivery only applies to TR postcodes. We don’t go as far as Somerset, I’m afraid,” the saleswoman says.
“We’re TR seven for the summer,” I say, tightening my grip on his forearm.
Her eyes follow my movement. She understands. “I think in this instance you’re probably looking for a divan base. We have a few reinforced ones which can take up to four hundred kilograms . . . oscillating or not.”
I nod astutely. “Noscillating, if you will.”
“Fucking hell, I can’t. I’m at breaking point. I need a vape. A vape, Eggs!” Pi says. To which I simply burst out laughing.
The saleswoman looks at Pi, then looks at me, and smiles. “Newlyweds?”
“Yeah, nah, I’m gone. Where’s the booze?” Pi says, and this time I let him walk away.
“All done. Sorted. Reinforced double divan and luxury pocket sprung mattress arriving this evening between six and eight p.m.,” I tell him, meeting him outside the shop twenty minutes later. “You okay?”
He smiles back, and I know he’s not actually annoyed.
Fuck, I really like having him here with me.
“Wanna pasty?” I ask.
“Fucking love one,” he replies.
Chapter 33
Aiden
