“I came straight from training,” I say, but . . . why am I trying to excuse myself any more? I don’t owe her the truth, and it’s no longer any of Georgia’s business who I hang out with or even who I fuck.
She shakes her head, as though stopping herself from probing further. “I just thought we should talk.”
“I wanted to talk yesterday, but you explicitly told me you’d already said everything you needed to say.”
“Yesterday you were still drunk!” Georgia hops down from the bar stool. “Okay, going to the wedding as your plus one was a mistake. I’m sorry, I never meant for it to go the way it did. It’s just . . . seeing you with him. It . . . was fucking triggering actually. I didn’t realise it was more than . . . I didn’t know the full truth.”
“What’s the full truth?” I ask, but Georgia simply shakes her head and looks away as though I’m being obtuse.
There’s nothing I can say to correct the problem. That ship has long since sailed. I’ve been cheating on my girlfriend with one of my best friends—and her best friend’s boyfriend—for the entire time we’ve been dating, over a year, and not only did I ruin any prospect of a future, but I continued to shatter it at any given opportunity.
I just couldn’t give Eggo up. I tried, several times, and I was not successful.
I’m a natural born risk assessor, not the kind of guy who’ll overlook the stakes or dismiss the consequences. I’m not the kind of guy who ever expected to cheat and get away with it. Deep down, I’d made my decision.
Being with him was worth losing everything.
“I’m sorry I hurt you,” I say, as though it can ever make amends. It’s the truth. I am sorry I hurt her. I should never have entered into a relationship with her. “I . . . made a few terrible choices.”
“Like the choice to date me whilst you were in love with your teammate.”
“I wasn’t in love with him when we started dating, Georgie,” I say and then immediately slap a hand over my mouth. My pulse spikes. Heart pummels my ribcage. I feel like I can’t breathe.
Georgia stares at me, her eyebrows raised and her lips pursed tight, hiding her “aha!”
How? How did she know?
“I mean . . . I’m not in love with him,” I choke out, but it’s too late.
Those words are out there, bouncing around in my skull, and I understand in the darkest depths of my heart that they’re true.
“Ah, fuck.”
My knees buckle, my legs feel both weakened and full of lead, and adrenaline’s already pumping hard through my bloodstream. I drop to the ground. Sit with legs spread at geometry-problem angles.
“Georgie . . .” I’m in the wrong here. I’m the cunt in this situation. Still, I never considered just how much of a cunt I’d been. “No wonder you’re pissed with me. I’m sorry. I didn’t . . .”
Realise I was in love with him. I finish the thought in my head.
How was I supposed to know?
“When did you figure it out?” I ask.
She sits opposite me, caging Trekkie between our extended legs. He pushes to his feet in order to press his wet snout into Georgia’s hair and snuggles up cradled in her thighs.
“I’m gonna miss this smelly little dude.” She ruffles the fur on his back, then turns her attention to me. “I’m not pissed with you. Not any more at least, but I guess I always knew that your heart belonged to someone else.”
I stare at her for a minute. Or two. Or ten.
“Shall I tell you what my first clue was?” Despite everything, Georgia’s smiling at me. Soft and patient and . . . kind of understanding.
Her smile reminds me of the time we rescued a bunch—a flock? A waddle?—of ducklings from a dual carriageway lay-by. It’s the same smile she gave as we watched the little creatures pad over to Mummy Duck. Is that how Georgia seesthis moment? Like she’s saving me and releasing me back to my kind?
Shit, maybe she’s right. I hate to admit it to myself, but the biggest emotion I’m feeling now isn’t sadness. It’s not even relief. It’s a sense of . . . hope.
“Sure, what was the first clue?” I ask.
“At Owen Bosley’s karaoke,” she begins. It’s the furthest thing from funny, but she laughs anyway. “He sang that song for you. To you. I know everyone else joined in and had a great time, but Finn sang those words about you. And I watched youlivethem.”
