Luca hits the pause button. ‘What things?’
‘You seem to like Jacob too.’ The words are out, and I can’t take them back.
‘I like Jacob,’ he confirms, hesitantly, like he’s unsure of the ground we’re treading on. ‘But not in that way.’
‘In what way?’ I inquire.
Luca’s face forms a silent question.Are we actually doing this?it asks. I lift an eyebrow, indicating that, yes, we are.
‘I like him as a friend,’ he replies, keeping his voice calm.
‘So your date—’
‘I never said it was a date.’ And the calm is out the window.
‘It didn’t go well, then?’
‘It went well, thanks, but it wasn’t a date. Just friends hanging out,’ he says. ‘Like us.’
He looks at me as if he’s expecting me to challenge him. But my heart is thundering in my ears and I’m trying to breathe like a normal human being, so all I manage is to echo his: ‘Like us.’ And though it’s but two little words, they sting like nettles on my tongue.
‘I’m allowed to have other friends,’ Luca says.
‘Obviously.’
‘I mean, you have friends beside me, right?’
‘Right.’
‘And you and Mairi, you’re friends, right?’
‘Right.’
‘And nothing else.’
‘Just friends.’
‘Great,’ he says, like it’s everything but.
‘It is great, yeah,’ I say in the same tone.
Jaw set, he turns back to the screen and hits the play button a little too aggressively. I cross my arms and stare ahead, until I realise that I’m mirroring his exact posture and drop my hands in my lap.
I don’t know what to make of that conversation. It plays on a loop in my head, as I inspect every word from all possible angles, unable to follow the film until the very moment when Knightley faces Emma and says: ‘If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.’
And though I knew the line was coming, it leaves me devastated.
WINTER
CHAPTER 19 – LUCA
NEW RESTAURANT,
THE OLIVE,
OPENING TONIGHT!
‘It’s no crime to check out the competition, right?’ I ask.
