I stride through the doors, my heart aching at the sight of her in the middle of the ballroom, her head bowed like the weight of the entire goddamn world is on her shoulders. I want to turn around and go back to her, pull her into my arms, and promise her that I've got her.
But right now…I can't have her. Not when I'm not entirely sure she even has herself.
"Fuck," I growl, slamming my hand against the wall.
The small pain is nothing compared to the way my fucking heart hurts.
Chapter Eight
Sophie
There's something to be said for lying in the dark, staring at nothing. If you do it for long enough, it's almost like it swallows you, and the rest of the world ceases to exist. Unfortunately, the dark doesn't steal my thoughts in quite the same way. It doesn't steal my tears or the ache in my chest, either.
Those refuse to relent. I'm afraid—terrified, really—that I fucked everything up this morning. And I don't know what to do about it.
I've spent my life in motion, still only when there was a reason for it, some higher purpose, like evoking a reaction from the crowd or preparing for the next set of perfectly executed steps. This isn't that. I'm frozen, my mind and heart at war.
They both want Harlan with a clarity that's stunning, but one says I'm just going to break us both—that I've already started doing it. The other screams at me not to be stupid.
How do you learn to trust that you're already good enough when you've spent a lifetime being told that you aren't?
How do you fall into someone when you're only just realizing that, after sacrificing for a lifetime, you'd tear it all down just to keep feeling the way he makes you feel?
I never wanted this before him. My future was all mapped out. I knew who I was, what I wanted, and where I was going. I knew what I was willing to sacrifice to have it, too. And maybe I'm just stubborn enough to be a little bit mad that he stomped in and flipped everything upside down. That wasn't supposed to happen.
Except…it did.
He changed everything. He changed me.
And I don't know how I'm supposed to keep being the person I've always been now that he forged himself into my bones. I don't know how to be anything else, either.
Someone knocks on my door, and my heart leaps with hope. I want it to be him, so I can say everything I didn't say this morning—that I'm sorry, and that he's the last person I want to hurt. That my eyes hurt because I haven't stopped crying over him. And that the worst possible thing I can think of is letting him walk out of my life.
"I know you're in there, Soph," Sidney's muffled voice calls through the door. "Open up."
I think about ignoring him and letting the dark swallow me again. But I know my brother. He's even more stubborn than I am. He won't go away. He'll just take the damn door off the hinges if I don't answer.
I throw the covers back and stumble from the bed, cracking the door open. "What do you want?"
His gaze flits across my face, his expression somber before he nudges it all the way open, his big body making it impossible for me to keep it closed. That's the thing about giants. Even when they're gentle like Sidney, they just bully their way through whatever stands in their way, like problems don't exist so long as their stupid shoulders are broad enough.
"I didn't invite you in," I grumble, crossing my arms to glare at him.
"Didn't ask to be invited in," he grunts, stomping in with a tray in his hands. He holds it out to me.
"What's this?"
"Harlan said you hadn't eaten today."
My gaze flies from the tray to my brother's face. "What?"
"He's worried about you."
That's all it takes to set me off—this tiny little bit of proof that Harlan is still thinking about me, that he still cares. I hurt him, but he's still trying to take care of me.
A miserable sound explodes from my throat, tears pouring down my face.
"Shit," Sidney growls, dropping the tray onto the table in the corner of the room before yanking me up against his chest. "It's okay, Soph. It's okay."
