Oh, I’ve done it now. I’ll be bitten all over before the month is over, I just know. Then again, what’s to hate? I want my men’s marks on me.
“Maybe later.”
Magnar nods. “Will you be done in time for supper?” he asks, splashing his face with water from my bath.
He rubs the skin behind his ears, and I giggle. My husband is so adorable, and I’ve come to really enjoy the familiarity of sharing such simple domestic things as a bath, even in such small ways.
“I think so. I just need to dress and convince Raduna he can fuck me hard if he wants.”
Raduna grunts in dismay, and Magnar grins, his lovely teeth flashing. He still has that gap even though the medic offered to fit him for a gold tooth. But Magnar wears the gap like a badge of honor.
“I’ve been telling you for ages,” he says, clapping Raduna’s shoulder so hard, the meaty slap echoes around the bathroom. “Our queen is naughty and likes cock, the harder and bigger, the better. How can you watch her every night and still think she’ll break? It’s beyond me.”
“But if I don’t control myself—" Raduna mumbles, which makes Magnar snicker so rudely, my knight falls silent. He glares at his king, who has the audacity to ruffle Raduna’s red hair.
“What big bad thing are you hiding from the world, hmm?” Magnar’s manner is playful, though his eyes flash with serious intent. “Is there some enormous failing of character, a horrible flaw that will come out once you lose control? Tell me.”
“Only my peasant blood,” Raduna spits with defiance.
“Oh.” Magnar nods, pretending to consider it. “And here I thought it’s because the one time you let loose in a tavern with your friends, your house burned down with your family inside. I thought you’re terrified it will happen again if you allow yourself to have a spot of fun—how foolish of me.”
I press my hand to my mouth, understanding flooding my mind. Raduna stares daggers at Magnar, his entire body taut with tension. I think he’ll attack or maybe flee, but all he does is take a deep, strained breath and move his jaw until it loosens.
“Not foolish, my king.”
“Thought so.” Magnar crouches down by his side, clasping Raduna’s forearm. “I can’t promise you it won’t happen. I can’t say for sure I will protect you from another calamity like that. Gods know I have nightmares about losing Caliane and the children, or losing you, my other knights, or of Roharra going up in flames—take your pick. But that’s life. If you care about something enough to hurt when you lose it, fear is inevitable.”
Raduna forces a wan smile onto his lips. “Is that supposed to reassure me?”
“Let me finish.” Magnar pinches the bridge of his nose, looking for the right words. “So I can’t promise you any of that, but I can tell you what I do when the fear threatens to swallow me whole.”
I sit still, a tender ache of love and understanding spreading in my chest, because I have those nightmares, too. I never knew Magnar did. We didn’t speak of it, but maybe we should.
“When I wake up terrified that one of my precious people will die a horrible death, I seek them out in the dark or go to their room, if the nightmare is about Nisha or Sameel. And then I lookat them and force myself to notice the truth—that they are alive and here. Fear makes you think the terrible thing is inevitable, but it’s rarely true. It’s just a thought, and reminding myself what’s real always works like a charm.”
I sigh with a smile. “You know, I do that, too,” I whisper. “When Nisha was born, I was afraid for months someone would snatch her away. So every time that happened, I just held her and reminded myself what’s real.”
Infinite warmth fills my husband’s silver eyes when he looks at me. We nod at each other, then turn to Raduna. I push closer to the edge of the tub and tangle my fingers in his hair.
“So look around,” I say softly. “You just let loose, my knight. You gave up control for a while. Now take a good look at the consequences. What do you see?”
Raduna gasps as if suddenly coming back to himself and looks up first at me, then Magnar. He clears his throat and when he speaks, he sounds quite sheepish and no longer angry.
“The keep is not on fire. In fact, nothing bad has happened.”
I nod. “Yes. And we’ll try again someday, and then you’ll look around at the consequences, and maybe slowly we’ll tame that fear of yours.”
He smiles, warm but tired, and leans in to give me a soft kiss. “Thank you, Caliane. And you, too.”
He nods at Magnar, then stands up with a grunt. He turns to the door, then back to me, looking hesitant. “My queen, may I leave?”
I wave him away, knowing Magnar can help me out of the tub just as well. My husband fishes my hand from the water and kisses my knuckles.
“Fifteen more minutes until supper, love.”
His eyes sparkle and glitter, and I realize what he wants. A groan tears out of my throat, because I am utterly spent.
“Not you, too! My pussy has handled enough goodbyes for one day, thank you very much.”
