And suddenly I can breathe again.
Chapter 8
Arlo
Over the next few weeks, small things begin to appear. A pillow that looks new. An old bedside table with three drawers. A small reading lamp on top of the table. A couple of old paperback spy novels. An old leather jacket—worn away at the elbows and neck, but lined with fleece.
They all appear without fanfare.
With every piece, the office transforms into a sanctuary.
The dark circles under my eyes are disappearing, thanks to regular sleep and food. Mornings become easier to face, and the nights more peaceful.
Starting the day, eating breakfast with Tiernan and talking is my favorite thing.
I like that he never pries. He’ll ask questions, but if it’s something I don’t want to talk about, he never presses. I’ve told him a little about Derek. That he’s my ex and that it was a bad breakup. I’m pretty sure he knows there’s more to it, but I don’t want him to feel sorry for me. Right now, he respects me because I work hard and I do my job well. I would hate it if that changed. It feels so nice to be treated as if I matter.
Three weeks in, Tiernan offers to teach me some self-defense moves. He teaches a class on it once a week, but it’s mostly women who attend. Every time it’s on the schedule, I make sure I have things to do in the main gym. I’m sure he noticed. He notices everything.
We both agree morning is the best time for him to teach me, so he’s coming in an hour earlier tomorrow. It feels like progress. The thought of seeing Derek still makes my mouth dry, but now there’s the possibility that someday it won’t. That someday I won’t have to hide.
I’m wearing the new gym shorts and t-shirt Tiernan left on the couch yesterday. He forgot to take off the size sticker on the leg of the shorts, so I know they’re new. I’m making enough now to at least buy my own clothes if he is going to let me sleep at the gym. I don’t want to be his charity case, even though he never makes me feel like one.
After getting changed, we head out to the big red mats in the main gym. Tiernan says they’re new. Not that I could tell. They all smell of floor cleaner and sweat to me, but I can ignore that if I get to learn how to defend myself.
Tiernan’s not wearing a shirt, so I take a few minutes to appreciate all his muscly goodness while he gets things set up. Between his chiseled abs and that sexy V-cut thing he’s got going on, I’m in serious trouble. Jesus, I’m going to need a towel for all my drool.
“Ready?”
Ready? Ready for what?
Stop daydreaming.
Right, self-defense.
“Let’s do some stretching first.”
We run through some easy warm-ups while I try to get my libido back under control.
“We can start with some evasive moves. You want to prioritize escape. The best way to handle a physical confrontation is to avoid it if possible.” Tiernan says in his coaching voice. It’s the same one he uses for his self-defense class.
Watching him demonstrate several techniques with the practice dummy he uses in class makes them easy to repeat. I’m able to master the palm strike fairly quickly, but we still practice until my arm aches.
The groin kick is harder. I tend to pull back. It’s only a dummy, but I know how painful a kick in the nuts can be, courtesy of Gary Johnson in the fifth grade. The memory still makes me wince.
“We should work on a few ways to escape if your attacker gets you in a hold of some kind.” Tiernan suggests. “It’s important to remember, even if someone is able to grab you, you have options.”
This is the one thing I’m most interested in learning. I never want to experience that helpless feeling of being held down again. It breaks apart your self-esteem in ways that I can’t even think about right now.
“You okay to do this, Arlo? We don’t have to work on escapes today.”
His penetrating look only hardens my resolve.
“No. This is important. I want to keep going.” He gives me one more questioning look before he sighs.
“Okay. So, I’m going to get behind you and grab you. I want you to drop your weight. It makes your body hard to maneuver, giving you a chance to escape. Particularly if they aren’t expecting it. It feels kind of like going limp, and it can catch them off guard. You ready?”
I nod my agreement, and he moves behind me, standing close but not touching me yet. My skin prickles at the back of myneck, and I can feel the heat from his body against my back. My breathing comes heavier and faster. A strange anticipation slides through me.
