“I don’t want you to be alone,” Mom says.
She understands my inner thoughts eerily well sometimes.
“I’m not alone,” I reply. “You’re with me. We make our own family.”
“Family requires letting someone see you.” Her eyes drill into me for one second… two… three. Then, she looks down. “I won’t always be with you, Hazelnut.”
I know that no one lives forever. Most parents die before their children. Eventually, I’ll have to let her go. But not yet. It’s too soon. She’s too young. I want more time.
“You’re gonna be fine,” I say definitively.
Mom gives me a sad smile, but she doesn’t argue anymore.
I lie down on the tiny couch and stare at the ceiling for a long time, listening to the rattle of Mom’s breath and the humming of the IV.
Chapter Six
“Knock, knock,” a tall brunette says from the doorway.
I never understand why people do that. Come in or knock. Saying‘knock knock’like you’re narrating your life just feels strange.
The woman is wearing a silk blouse and a dark blue pantsuit with a smile that reaches all the way to her ears. When I wave her in, she’s still rubbing hand sanitizer into her hands, which raises my opinion of her.
“I’m Julia Romero, one of the social workers here at the hospital.” She pulls a card off her clipboard and hands it to me before reaching forward to shake Mom’s hand.
I inwardly cringe. I hate when anyone touches her unnecessarily. The last thing Mom needs right now is new germs. I don’t care if she took a bath in the handsanitizer before walking in. The consequences of Mom getting sick are too dire.
Julia exchanges a few pleasantries with my mom before saying, “I’m here because I’d like to talk with you about end-of-life paperwork. Let’s start with what you already have in place and then we can see what you still need. How does that sound?”
The term end-of-life sends chills shooting across my arms. I grab a sweater off the couch and pull it over my head.
Briefly, I consider telling Miss Perky Social Worker we have everything covered and don’t need her. I want to rush this woman out of the room as quickly as I can, but Mom sits up, more engaged than I’ve seen her in days.
“I’m glad you came.” Mom uses the remote attached to the bed to adjust the angle, so she’s more upright. When Dr. Kim made his rounds this morning, he again mentioned setting up a power of attorney, and Mom agreed it was a good idea.
They didn’t ask what I thought. Although I didn’t volunteer my opinion, either. I know someone has to make decisions if Mom can’t, but I don’t want it to be me. It’s too much responsibility. I’m not objective when it comes to her. I’ll always make choices that will give us more time, even if those might not be the best choices for either of us.
I wish I could stop time with Mom instead of with Dr. Obnoxiously Hot. I’d give anything to have more time with her. But the universe is a cruel randomizer,giving me all the time in the world with a stranger, rather than the only family I have.
Julia looks down at her clipboard. “I see you’re in Dr. Newberry’s trial. You’re in excellent hands with him. He’s one of our best surgeons.” She pauses and bites the corner of her lip, like she’s not sure about something. Then, she tilts her head and looks at the clipboard. “My brother is actually one of his residents.” Her voice is a little too casual, and I know immediately that her brother must be Cosmos. Did he tell her what we can do? It doesn’t seem like something we should share with people. It seems like the kind of thing that gets people locked up or experimented on.
“Oh, who’s your brother?” Mom leans forward, and there’s a quirk to her lips that makes it clear she already guessed the answer, just like I have.
“Cosmos Romero. Dr. Romero,” Julia corrects herself with a half smile. “It’s still strange to call him that. To me, he’ll forever be the awkward, braces-faced thirteen-year-old he was when I graduated college.”
Mom laughs, and I look out the window. I have a hard time picturing Cosmos as an awkward teenager. Those are pictures I’d like to see.
“Well, he’s definitely matured well,” Mom says with a suggestive lilt to her voice.
“Mom!” I swing back around and glare at her.
Julia laughs softly, but there’s no mirth in it. “You’re not alone in that sentiment. I swear I have to fight off every girl who comes in here.” She gives me apointed, studied look. “As the oldest, I’m protective of him.”
He told her. Maybe not about stopping time, but he told her something. She wouldn’t be looking at me like she’s a detective in an interrogation room if he hadn’t.
I want to hide, but suddenly have a thought. Maybe this thing Cosmos and I can do is something his whole family can do. Maybe it’s not just us. So, I hold Julia’s gaze, waiting for time to stop.
Nothing happens. Or at least, nothing more than my cheeks heating uncomfortably. I break eye contact first and turn back to the window. Julia changes the subject and starts asking Mom questions about the paperwork.
