I feel a bit like that now, looking at Cosmos and trying to read behind his upfront words. Somehow, the idea of him wanting to go out with me feels less believable than stopping time.
I’m not unattractive, but I’m not model-attractive, like he is. I’m sweet-girl-next-door-attractive, quirky-loner-wallflower-attractive. And that’s when I’m at my best. Which I definitely am not right now.
“You would have asked me out?” Repeating the sentence doesn’t make it any more plausible. He probably didn’t mean he’d ask me on a date. He probably meant he’d ask me to go somewhere with him and figure out what it is we’re doing and how we’re doing it. An experiment. It’s the only plausible explanation.
He steps forward again and shifts his tray to one hand. “I was advised against it.”
Pieces click into place. “By your sister?”
He smiles, but looks a little surprised that I guessed so quickly. “She said it would be unethical for me to fraternize with a patient’s family.”
“Did you tell her about this?” I wave a hand, noting the silent room around us.
He bites his lip, not answering the question.
“There’s no ethical rule about experimenting with time, though.” There’s something almost sheepishabout the way he says it, so different from the confident charisma he emits when casually talking about reading romance novels or being named after a flower. Then, like turning a page, his charming demeanor comes back, and he smiles, stepping behind the boy with the apple. With a dangerous wink, Cosmos plucks the fruit from the air and takes a bite.
“What are you doing?” I hiss, though obviously no one can hear us.
“Experimenting.” Cosmos looks away, and for a moment I feel as if someone is sucking me through a straw. I blink, and I’m standing three steps back, right where I was when I first looked at Cosmos. The noise resumes. The apple falls back into the boy’s hand, whole and unbitten.
We just stopped time, messed around with things, and nothing changed. The adrenaline of the moment catches up with me and sends my heart bouncing around my chest like a tennis ball. People aren’t supposed to do this. It’s impossible. We shouldn’t be messing with time.
Avoiding Cosmos’ gaze, I duck behind a man at least twice my size and make for the exit. I don’t want to finish the conversation Cosmos started. Even that brief exchange was a rollercoaster. The high of thinking he might actually want to ask me out, the loop-de-loop of realizing it wasn’t romantic interest but professional curiosity, the low of realizing it can’t be romantic even if by some miracle we both want it to be.
Lost in my thoughts, I collide with a tray.
It takes one second to realize the tray has only one thing on it: a bowl of hot soup that tips and tilts, sloshing out of the bowl and spilling on the man’s chest. My ankle twists, and I go down, but a strong hand catches me by the elbow, keeping me from falling on my face. I know without looking that it’s Cosmos. Of course, it is. As if this isn’t mortifying enough.
“I’m so sorry,” I say. “I wasn’t watching?—”
The soup-covered man holds up a hand. “It’s fine.” He scrunches his face as he takes in the damage. His expensive button-up is stained with bright red tomato soup.
“Let me at least pay for your lunch, or dry cleaning… or something.” I dig in my pockets, only to remember that I don’t have my wallet. My mortification deepens, and heat floods my face.
“Don’t worry about it. Viraj deserves to be taken down a notch after all the bragging he’s done today,” Cosmos says with a teasing tone.
The tight expression on Viraj’s face shifts to a smile. “If you helped remove a twenty-pound tumor, you’d be bragging, too.”
Cosmos lets go of my elbow, but not before his thumb grazes the tender skin on the inside of my forearm. An accident, of course, but it makes my fingers and toes tingle, goosebumps popping up on my arms. Something low in my belly tightens. I twist to thank him for catching me, and his eyes trap mine.
Just like before, everything stops.
“Do you think things always reset?” he asks with apuzzled look. “We should try again, figure out the parameters of this thing.”
I shake my head. More experimentation with Cosmos sounds like a horrible idea. He’s already making me feel all these fruitless feelings that can’t go anywhere. I don’t have the space in my chest for more heartbreak. I need to take care of Mom and finish my thesis for my MFA, and find a job so I can pay for Mom’s medical bills. “I don’t have time.”
His grin spreads into a full smile. “We have all the time in the world.” His eyes darken, pupils dilating. “We could do anything with that time.”
I swallow. There’s no way he means to sound that suggestive. He just told me he can’t date me. He’s definitely not thinking of wrapping his arms around me and kissing me right here in the middle of the cafeteria. My mind conjures that image all too clearly. Cosmos, digging his fingers into my hair. Parting my lips with his tongue. Pressing his body flush against mine.
“If we can figure out how to use the time stop to permanently manipulate objects… think of what we could do,” Cosmos says, proving his thoughts aren’t traveling the same road as mine.
“What do you mean?” I squeak, trying to recover myself by clearing my throat.
“Epic pranks aside, think of what this could mean right here in the hospital. We could keep a patient from bleeding out during surgery, remove a tumor with almost no risk…”
Save my mom.
