After only a few steps, my phone buzzes, and I stop to check the message. Okay, maybe I’m stalling a little, too, in hopes Cosmos will look at me.
Kiara:
I’ll even give you my signed copy of The Handmaid’s Tale!
Wow, she is desperate. But it’s still not enough. I type a response telling her I can’t go, but another text comes through before I can hit send.
Kiara:
You promised you’d come to one of my readings. I won’t make you read anything. I just need a referee to keep me from ripping out Sullivan’s tongue. Or maiming his cat’s only good leg.
He actually asked if he could bring his cat. Have you ever heard something so ridiculous? A cat at open mic night?!? Come on, you can’t tell me you don’t want to see that.
She sends me a meme of the old Inspector Gadget villain petting his cat. I picture Sullivan maliciously stroking his calico at The Book Bar, while Kiara recites her poems, which usually push the edge of propriety. A snorting laugh bursts from me before I cover my mouth with a hand and stifle the noise.
“You know, it’s not healthy to hold it in.” Cosmos’ voice sounds so close I jump, but he’s actually a solid three feet away. I thought he hadn’t noticed me, but here he is, right in front of me, looking at me with that dimpled smirk.
“Excuse me?” I ask as I work to calm my racing heart.
“Your laugh. Better to let it out.”
My cheeks tingle with embarrassment. I’ve always hated the sound of my real laugh. I usually only relax enough to laugh like that when I’m alone with Mom. The fatigue is making it harder to keep control of all the things I usually monitor and hide. I look around, hoping no one’s paying attention to us. A few of the nurses are still in the hall, but only one of them is looking at us, and she quickly looks away, going back to chatting with the others.
Cosmos takes a half step closer. “So, what made you laugh like that?”
“Oh, well, um… my friend.” I hold up the phone as if that explains things.
“A boyfriend?” He looks down at the floor.
“No. A girl in my MFA program.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that you’re?—”
“No! I’m not. We’re not. Not that there’s anythingwrong with—I mean—I think it’s great. Love is love and all that. I’m just not—” I must be as red as a lobster. No one in the entire history of the universe has ever been as awkward as I’m being right now.
His eyes spark with amusement. “I was going to say, I didn’t know you’re getting your master’s.”
“Yeah.” I take a breath and let it out slowly, then hold up my phone, waving it through the air. “My friend’s trying to get me to go with her to The Book Bar for open mic tonight.”
“Oh?” His smile turns crooked and devious. “My sister loves that place. Maybe I should take her soon.”
Is he suggesting what I think he’s suggesting? One part of me wants to remind him of his own ethical rules, but the part of me that wants to lick his dimple tells the other part to shut up.
“You should go,” he says. I didn’t think it was possible for his smile to be even more lopsided or his eyes even darker, but they are.
“My mom?—”
“Is doing great. According to everything I hear. When was the last time you took a break and got out of the hospital?”
“I left for class on Thursday.” It was only for a few hours, but it counts.
“You don’t have to worry about your mom. She’ll be well cared for.” He sucks his bottom lip and rubs his chin. “I won’t be around myself, since I have the night off and… made plans with my sister.” His implication isn’t as subtle now, but I’m probably reading this situation all wrong. Story of my life.
“Rose will be here, though,” Cosmos continues. “And nothing gets past that woman.”
He looks down the hall, like he’s suddenly nervous to know where Rose is and if she’s watching us. I don’t blame him. After the incident with the haircut, I looked up the hospital’s policies on romantic relationships. It was very clear that hospital employees can’t date patients, but there wasn’t much about family members of patients. A few external websites said that the ethics are basically the same as dealing with a patient, and some people said the doctor could even have his license revoked. Which made me panic for a moment until I reminded myself that nothing’s happened. But it feels like we’re walking a line, and I don’t want Cosmos to get in trouble. Or maybe we’re not walking a line at all, and I’m just reading this all wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened. I’m not the best at knowing when someone is flirting and when they’re just being nice, or just want a study partner to figure out a mysterious occurrence. Not that I’ve been involved in many mysterious occurrences.
I didn’t realize we were staring at each other until he glances away and Dr. Barbie Samantha comes clomping down the hall, her stiletto heels making a prominent clip, clap, clip, clap.
