A woman joins him, hooking her arm into his. “Oh, what happened?”
We quickly explain, and her face softens reassuringly. She pats my hand. “It’s fine, dear. Are you a student?”
I nod, barely able to think enough to speak anything but another apology.
“Well, if I could give you extra credit, I would. I’ve been begging him to let me buy him a new suit for ages. I detest this thing.” She laughs and holds the brown tweed up by two extended fingers. “I’m his wife, Susan.”
Everyone introduces themselves, and Dr. Paatel asks how I’m feeling now that I’ve turned in my book.
“Strange.” I answer truthfully. I can’t put into words what I feel. Vulnerable. Curious. Excited. Terrified. Too many things at once.
Cosmos wraps his arm around me, as if he knows I need something to anchor me, to keep me from floating away in these big, unruly feelings.
“Well, I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Dr. Pataal reassures. “You’ve written a decent debut novel, and you should be proud.”
Decent. Yeah, that sounds about right. Nothing like what I’d imagined in my head when I started this program. Nothing like the award-winning novel I set out to write. But, decent is good. It can only improve from there, right?
“Did you know she’s been writing two books at once?” Cosmos asks, like he’s trying to come to my defense.
“I had no idea,” Dr. Paatel says, drawing back in surprise. “That’s wonderful.”
“It’s not a big deal.”Don’t ask what it’s about. Please don’t ask what it’s about.
“I’m impressed.” Susan’s smile is as bright as her bubbly personality. “Well, you two have fun. We’re off to throw this in a dumpster and start shopping.” She rubs her hands together giddily, and I have a strange wish to be her friend.
We part ways and head back out into the night with what’s left of our ice cream. I think Cosmos can sense that seeing Dr. Paatel has soured my mood because he’s quiet for a few minutes while we walk back to the car.
There’s a loud group playing frisbee on the grass, despite the late hour, and a couple making out on a bench. The air crackles with electricity, but the wind is cold, making me shiver.
Cosmos takes off his coat and drapes it over my shoulders. “So, what have you been reading lately? Anything good?”
Normally, I’d deflect a question like this, or tell the person the most recent book I read that’simpressive or at least acceptable. In this case,Rebeccaby Daphne Du Maurier. But it wasn’t the most recent book I read, and I want to be honest with Cosmos. I don’t want to wear my mask. I want to howl. So I tell him the truth. “I just finishedWelcome to Bone Town.” I hide my face with with my free hand.
Cosmos gently pulls my wrist until I’m looking at his smiling face. “It sounds fun. Tell me about it.”
“You really want to know?”
“Yeah. Sell me on it.”
I launch into a diatribe about the book. How I wasn’t sure about it at first because I’ve never read an omegaverse before, or a book with multiple love interests, for that matter. But I loved how the different relationships all came together and everyone grew to care for each other. It was like the ultimate found family trope. Plus it was basicallyThe MummyandIndiana Joneswith spice. It was nostalgic, and kept me smiling throughout.
When I finish telling him about it, he bumps his shoulder against mine. “And how spicy is it?”
He slowly licks mint chip ice cream from the back of his spoon, and my brain glitches. My cheeks heat, thinking about a particularly steamy scene from the book when one of the men went swimming in this hot spring they found and went down on her while… Nope. I will not think about that now.
I try to cover my embarrassment with teasing and wave my spoon at him. “So that’s why you read romance novels.”
“Hey, I read clean romances, too.” He smirks and takes another bite of ice cream.
“I hate that term.Cleanromance. What does that even mean?”
“Do you really not know what it means?” he asks incredulously.
“No. I know. Books without spice. Books that end with a kiss, or just‘I love you’and a hug.” I don’t think a romance would end with just a hug, but it’s not about the specifics. It’s about the idea. “It’s not that I think every romance should have a sex scene in it. Some of my favorites don’t. But, the term clean romance makes it seem like anything else is dirty, and last time I checked, dirty is a dirty word—a shaming word. It’s hard enough for people to admit they like romances, and then we heap more shame on them for not reading therightkind of romances.”
“Clean romances?”
“Yeah. It’s like, okay, we’ll forgive you for reading romances because at least you’re reading clean romances. But all that other stuff… nope, that’s just cleverly disguised porn. Which isn’t always the case at all. They’re good stories that incorporate the whole of a person’s life, which includes their sexuality.”
