Chapter Thirty-Five
“Why the hell didn’t you call me sooner?” Aunt Joan’s voice startles me from my tears.
“I didn’t call you.”
I have no idea how she’s here, how she knew to come. She’s got my purse slung over one shoulder and her purse slung over the other. The crease between her eyebrows is as deep as a trench. Kiara is standing directly behind her, looking at me with a soft expression that makes me look away. How are they here?
Julia pats my knee. “I’m gonna go, but I’ll come back and check on you.” She gives me a tender smile, stands up, navigates around Aunt Joan and Kiara, and leaves the waiting room.
“Good thing I was already on my way to visit when that doctor friend of yours called,” Aunt Joan says, plopping down in a seat across the aisle.
Cosmos. He called them? After everything?
Kiara takes the seat next to me and pulls me into a side hug. “How are you holding up?”
I don’t have an answer. I’m trying desperately to pull myself together so they don’t see what a mess I am. The last thing I need is to lose them, too. But, it’s impossible to contort my features into any semblance of normalcy. My world is hanging by a thread. Dangling over a black abyss. Damocles’ sword is poised to cut the string. The universe will probably laugh as I sink into oblivion. It’s like a cruel joke. Give someone one thing in the world that they love, one person who really sees them, then rip that person from their grip.
“Sorry, that was a ridiculous question,” Kiara says.
“Yeah. It was.”
Surprise flickers across her face—I’ve never snapped at her before—but she quickly wipes it away. “We brought muffins.”
Aunt Joan takes the seat on the other side of me and pulls a package of cinnamon coffee cake muffins out of her bag. I don’t feel like eating, but when she hands me one, I take it, and pick at the crumble topping without eating it.
“Now, tell us what happened, kiddo, or I’m gonna go crazy worrying.” Aunt Joan shoves a massive bite of muffin into her mouth and waits.
It takes a long time to get through the story, even though there’s not much to tell. Aunt Joan occasionally asks questions—most of which I can’t answer.Kiara occasionally makes a low, soothing hum and exclaims, “I’m so sorry.”
When I finish, they both surround me in a hug. Fresh tears pinch my eyes, but I don’t let them fall.
Someone clears their throat, and we break apart.
Aunt Joan looks up and smiles. “Hey, Handsome Doctor Man. You save my best friend yet?”
I follow her gaze and find Cosmos. I can see all the words we said before in his eyes, all the hurt. But there’s something else there too, something guarded that makes my lungs constrict.
“I’m going to take you back to a private room so you can talk to Dr. Newberry, okay?” Each word is careful, precise.
“I’m coming too.” Aunt Joan hops to her feet, but mine won’t cooperate. I’m glued to the chair, stuck looking at Cosmos’ face. It’s not good news.
If I stay here, I won’t have to know. I don’t want to know. If only time would stop, so I’d never have to move forward. I want to go back to yesterday, when Mom was fine, when everything was perfect.
Time doesn’t obey me. It just keeps ticking. One second after another.
“Can we all come?” Kiara asks.
“It’s up to Hazel.” There’s more in those words than permission. There’s a question. An offer.
I shake it off. I can’t have them there. It’s too much work to hold myself together, and I can guess what’s coming. I already know. What happens when I actually hear the words, when I have to face the reality?I don’t want them to see me like that. I can’t let them. Any of them.
“I want to talk to the doctor alone.”
Aunt Joan is clearly offended and starts to argue, but Cosmos puts up a hand. “It’s up to Miss Berton.”
The formality of it pierces through me and confirms what I already know. Mom isn’t okay. And neither are we.
I follow Cosmos out the door and down the hall. He’s silent. He doesn’t touch me. One part of me wishes he would. I want to grab his hand and hold on to his strength. But I know the truth now. Without the ability to stop time, he doesn’t want me.
