My back ached from where the brush had met my spine, but I ignored it all, hoisting my leg over the bed.
“I heard your first day was rough. Pastor John, right?” The last girl asked.
I knew in my bones these were not the girls I could confide in. That if I were to openly complain, they’d run right to him and inform him of my words.
“I think he’s hot. Don’t you think he’s hot, Abigail?” Lauren said.
“Oh my goodness! You would,” Abigail replied.
“She’s not wrong. Objectively, he’s a ten. But, Delilah, what do you think?” Lauren pressed.
I broke. “About how hot he is or his class?”
The three of them shrieked with laughter.
“So, you think he’s hot too?” Bethany asked, her mouth turned up on both corners looking like the grinch when he’d concocted a dastardly plan.
Shit. I walked right into that one. Chalk it up to my exhausted brain.
As they laughed at my expense, I felt my stomach churn remembering the lustful way Pastor John had looked at me. The way his hands lingered on my body. I didn’t like it. There was a callousness that lurked inside him that was palpable. When I looked at the pastor, I didn’t see an alluring, good-looking man. I saw evil.
“Delilah and Pastor John, ooh that is a scandal,” Lauren crooned.
I turned over in my bed wishing I hadn’t said anything at all. These girls would twist anything that they could for the sake of their own entertainment.
“What about Cain?” I heard Bethany ask, with a slight, but noticeable shift to her tone. “He sure seemed interested in you.”
Cain had been unexpected. There was a softness to him that I could see in the way he talked to me, but there was also a wall that he’d put up that I wondered what was hidden beyond what he let everyone else see. Something told me we were more alike than I realized, and the way he made sure I was okay after what Pastor John did to me, warmed my battered heart.
No one had ever checked on me before.
Not my mom after a fight with my dad.
Not my teachers when I would show up visibly bruised.
Not my pastor at church when he noticed the same mottled bruises that stained my skin.
But Cain? He took one look at me, and it was like the world stopped. This stranger had cared more about me in the span of ten minutes than all the people who were supposed to. I didn’t know what to do with that or how to feel about it.
“Maybe she likes him too. Delilah, are you a slut?”
When I didn’t respond, they moved on to complaining about their hair, and pores, and cuticles. I tuned them out focusing on the white painted wall, picturing a life I didn’t have until it everything around me faded away.
The first few weeks at this new school weren’t anything like I anticipated. Rules seemed to change on a whim, and you were better off looking contrite and afraid than you were speaking or starring at anyone or anything too long.
Out of all my teachers, I loathed Pastor John the most. When we weren’t being pushed to the brink of fear, he had us holed up in a classroom, reciting Bible verses by heart. I felt like I could regurgitate the entire thing by now in my sleep.
Punishments were a regular occurrence. I became familiar with the feel of the ground on my face and a sheen of embarrassment that settled about my shoulders as if it were a coat I could wear. But while I endured, the anger inside me grew. As did my resolve to make it out of this town. The moment I turned eighteen, I would find a way out of here.
Though, without money, that felt more like a pipe dream than a possibility.
I’d become an expert at avoiding my roommates when I could, though they still attempted to torment me at every opportunity.
Most kids here were able to contact their parents nightly. Lining up for their time to call home. My parents had yet to reach out to see how I was doing, and a part of me was relieved to have the space from them. Though, the alternative was being here.
The only thing that made my time bearable, was seeing Cain every day. I snuck a glance over at him and caught him looking right at me. My stomach flipped and I quickly averted my gaze, feeling my cheeks heat. We had this little flirtation going. Nothing serious, but enough that had me wondering… what if. It wasn’t like we could actually date here though. Even being too close to someone had them punishing people. It was like they couldn’t stand the idea that we were real people with our own thoughts and feelings and not some robot who they could easily program and control.
“Job had lost everything. His family. His wealth. Even his health. But through it all, he remained faithful,” Pastor John said. He held a worn black bible open in his hands as he sat on the edge of his desk. His ankles were crossed over each other and he looked and sounded relaxed. This version of him was a direct contrast to the one who screamed at us during the faith testing exercises. The fact that he could slip into either version at a moment’s notice was unsettling.
