I opened it.
Bea was standing in the hallway.
I went very still.
She looked like she’d been crying — red-rimmed eyes, hands clasped in front of her, knuckles white. She wasn’t holding herself like armor anymore. She’d walked through the compound to get here. Past the brothers, past the bar, down the corridor to my door.
For a long moment, neither of us spoke.
“Can I come in?” Her voice was rough.
My mouth was dry. I wanted to pull her in, wanted to ask if she was okay, if she’d eaten, if she’d slept. I didn’t. “Of course,” I said carefully, stepping aside.
She came in slowly, her eyes moving around the room. She’d been here before — many times, over the months we were together. But the last time was a year ago. She’d sat on this bed and held me while I broke. She’d left a note on the nightstand. I wondered if she was thinking about that.
“Do you want something to drink? I can grab coffee from the kitchen.”
“No. I’m okay.” She sat on the edge of the bed. Jacket still on. Hands folded too carefully. Ready to leave.
I sat in the chair across from her and left the space between us.
Neither of us spoke for a long time.
“I don’t know why I’m here,” she said finally. “I was driving and I ended up here.”
“Okay.”
“I’m not — I don’t have a speech.” She looked at her hands. “I just needed to see you. Today.”
She knew what today was. Of course she knew. “I’m glad you came,” I said. I kept my voice steady. I didn’t reach for anything more than that.
She was quiet for a while. Then — “I keep thinking about what I am to you now. Whether I’m your ex, or your therapist’s case study, or just—” She stopped. “The person who loved you.” She said it quietly, almost to herself. Like she was testing the words.
Loved.
Past tense. She’d used the past tense. Fuck. I pressed my hands flat against my thighs and didn’t breathe for a second.
She looked up and saw it land. She didn’t take it back. We sat with that.
“I should go,” she said after a while. She stood and pulled her jacket tighter around herself.
I stood too. Didn’t step closer.
“Bea.”
She stopped at the door and turned back.
“Thank you for coming.”
She held my eyes for a long moment. Then she nodded once and walked out.
I listened to her footsteps down the corridor until I couldn’t hear them anymore. Then I sat back down on the bed and looked at the room.
She’d come. On today of all days, she’d walked through the clubhouse and knocked on my door.
Chapter 37
?
