He nodded. “Yes. He was still alive when I arrived on scene.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed up on his throat as he confessed this out loud.
She choked out a breath, something between that of happiness and disbelief. “Did you get to speak to him? What did he say?”
My father, not typically an affectionate man, placed his hands on top of hers that were still connected to him, and finally said, “Briefly. Before he passed. He asked me to check on you. He loved you very much, Lennon. His last words were about you.”
That was it.
Lennon got up from the bed, and latched onto my dad for dear life. Her tears finally exited her body, and she allowed them to escape in such raw manner that she sobbed into my dad’s chest.
A stranger who she had never met before.
Amalestranger that she had never met before.
Something beautifully tragic was happening right before my eyes. The man I had always known as an asshole, rigid and arrogant, only wanting the best of the best was displaying emotions that I couldn’t remember ever witnessing him use before.
He wrapped Lennon in his arms as he held back tears of his own.
“I am so sorry,” he said into her hair. “I am so sorry I didn’t do more for you back then. I am so sorry I didn’t find you sooner, and let you know what your father had said to me. I am so sorry. Words will never be enough, but I am. I am sorry.”
He was on repeat. My father allowing himself to be vulnerable was incredible. Had he carried that guilt all this time?
Lennon sobbed deeper into him, allowing his hug to be all she knew to hold her up as her body shook.
“No,” she managed between breaths. “You don’t need to be sorry. You told me now. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to know. To know what his final moments were like…and you had them. All this time. It just took me finding Asher to hear them.”
She didn’t lift her head from his embrace, but her words were clear. This was a gift to her. My father tilted his head back to look up at the ceiling, still holding back tears that were threatening to escape. Something was breaking inside of him.
“Thank you for telling me that,” she whispered. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
That was all it took for him to unleash the tears that were hidden behind his eyes.
“I am so sorry Lennon,” he choked. “I should have found you sooner. All these years passed, and I was so focused on the next day, the next call, the next, the next, the next—”
Lennon pulled back and forced his reciprocation to meet her eyes. Her face wet and blemished, she said with finality, “I don’t blame you for what happened to me.”
Her face scrunched up with confusion that he could possibly carry that weight.
“If I would have—” he began.
“No,” she stopped him.
“Stop right there. My mother was the problem. I don’t think I deserved the things she allowed to happen to me to happen, but that wasn’t your doing. You didn’t know me. You wouldn’t think—” she dipped her head away in shame, “—you wouldn’t think that a mother would allow those things to happen to her daughter, but she did. So, it’s not on you to carry, okay?”
I couldn’t watch the interaction any longer. I had never seen Lennon so strong and powerful before. She was clear and intentional in her voice. She bore no anger toward my father. Lennon had learned that her mother should have carried that burden. Covering my mouth, the feeling of pride washed over me.
Maybe this meant Lennon could let go of some small weight that was keeping her heart heavy.
My father nodded slowly.
“You know you shouldn’t carry this weight either, right?” she asked softly.
He inhaled deeply. “I’ve thought about your father’s accident every day since he spoke to me. Since he told me to check in with you, those being his last words. I carried the weight of not following through with my due diligence immediately afterwards. I waited and waited until it was too late. I should have been better…”
He couldn’t finish his thoughts. My father, for once in his life, was stumped for the right words.
Her hand reached up and touched his cheek.
