A small voice inside me whispered that I didn’t have to be this cold. That I could be kind. But every other part of me shoved that voice down.
Don’t let anyone in.Don’t let anyone see inside of you.
Don’t let anyone see inside your tough exterior.
You’ve made it this far by keeping the world out.
Don’t stop now.
You’re so close.
Keep going.
“I don’t know if you’re on some mission from God or whatever to save the sad girl who wants to off herself,” I spat, “but if that’s the case, I’m going to stop you right there.”
Asher brows shot up, clearly thrown. His mouth parted to say something—but I raised my hand to stop him.
“Don’t. Nothing you say or do is going to change my mind. So if it’s all the same to you, hotshot, I’m going to finish out thistwelve weeks with as much peace as I can possibly muster before my time is up. Capiche?”
The look that was plastered across his beautiful face was that of dejection and confusion. His mouth parted like he was about to say something, but he caught himself, finally understanding that I wasn’t about to change my mind. I wouldn’t budge. I turned my head away, refusing to give him space to speak and piss me off even more. I could feel his eyes on me, and the air between us thickened with his hurt feelings.
Dana began speaking to the group, sometime between Asher trying to derail me and my irritation rising, once everyone had settled into their seats. But not this time. I forced myself to focus. I needed to get through the session. One day at a time. One moment at a time. One less distraction at a time.
“So, group! I have your assignment ready to roll out, as well as your assignment partners. I can appreciate that sometimes choosing your partner when you aren’t familiar with everyone can feel daunting.”
Dana continued talking, but my attention drifted in and out. I didn’t want to do anything with anyone. I wondered if I could just take on the brunt of the work so that I wouldn’t have to engage with the other person. If partnering was mandatory, I could go see Rachel—she’d advocate for me. She knew how poorly I coped with things like this.
“For your assignment,” Dana began, “you’ll be paired up with someone. The two of you will have the duration of this session to compile a list of bucket list items. For anyone who doesn’t know what a bucket list is—it’s a list of things that you want to do before you die. Things you’ve always wanted to do, but have been too scared to try, or haven’t had the resources for, or just never got around to. The sky’s the limit. I want you to really dig deep. Share at least ten things between the two of you. Write them down and we will have them for the next session.”
Dana looked up at us, her enthusiasm filling the room. A few people seemed intrigued. It was sort of peculiar and not something I expected, nor do I think half of us expected it.A bucket list?Really? Before we fuckingkick the bucket? That was somehow even more depressing than living in my head every single day.
“So, my lovely participants, here are your partners. Jane and Greg. Marco and Ashley. Desmond and Athena. Asher and Lennon. Aria and Ophelia. And last but not least, Landon and Lorna. Please join your partners and head to the side of the room where I have placed notebooks for your bucket list items, along with writing utensils.”
My brain misfired.Did she just say…No. No fucking way.
That can’t be what she said. She didnotjust pair me up with that asshole sitting next to me. There has to be a mistake.
“Ms. Galloway—” I started. But she interrupted with, “Please, call me Dana.”
I restructured my thoughts, composing myself by straightening in my seat. “Sorry. Dana, has there been some sort of error? You said I was placed with Asher.”
She nodded. “Yes, Lennon. No mistake made. Is there a problem with being partnered with Asher?”
Her question made heat crawl up my neck. The whole group could hear me.Fuck.Exactly what I wanted—humiliation, round two. He must have put her up to this. There was no other explanation.
I pressed my lips together and gritted out between clenched teeth, “No. Not at all. Just wasn’t sure if I heard you correctly.”
Dana gave me a polite smile and carried on, addressing the rest of the group as everyone stood and made their way to grab a notebook and pencil.
I turned my head and caught Asher letting out a slow sigh before looking at me—defeat written all over his face.
“Shall we go and grab a notebook?” he asked quietly.
“Sure,” I said, stiff as stone.
What the hell washisproblem now?
Asher
