A smirk tugged at one side of my mouth, “Yeah, yeah, I know. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. I know.”
We both smiled at each other.
“I know what you mean, Asher. I don’t mean to give off toxic positivity or whatever you call it. I just…I just see you as normal. You have a medical condition, so what? So does about eighty percent of the world.”
Rolling my eyes, I noticed the doctor walking in behind her.
“Nice to see you awake, Asher,” Dr. Azad greeted. I smiled, slightly embarrassed to be in this bed by my own doing,
“Thanks, Dr. Azad. I’m sorry I’m here.”
She offered me a soft smile. “I understand. Basically, what happened is you exerted too much energy, and your heart was unable to keep up with the demand. Not to frighten you, but you’re very lucky you didn’t have any fragments of your tumour dislodge and cause greater damage. This was the best case scenario for this type of thing.”
I could feel my mother’s eyes narrowing on me. I avoided direct eye contact with her knowing she was sayingI told you soin her head.
“Won’t happen again,” I confirmed with the doctor.
“Better not,” she replied with a wink.
After clearing us free to go, my mother walked me out to her car in the staff parking lot. I could tell something was on her mind. She never stayed quiet for long, so I waited for the moment that she was about to drop a bomb on me.
It didn’t take long.
“Is this because of that girl?” she asked.
Immediately, I became defensive. “What are you talking about?”
“At dinner the other day, you mentioned that you met a girl. Is this why you’ve decided you can just up and run now?”
I huffed out a laugh, almost finding it comical that she thought that. My mind shot to the group and how she’d likely piece it together that it was me and Lennon. I’d said it in a fit of rage at the dinner table, not thinking about the consequences.
It all made sense now.
“No, it’s not about a girl. I just woke up feeling good and wanted to give it a try, thinking it would strengthen my heart—not hinder it. And just because I met a girl doesn’t mean anything,” I said, as if that was going to be the end of it.
We got into the car at the same time, and I buckled myself into the passenger seat. She glanced over at me.
“Did you meet her at group, Asher?”
Nervousness surrounded her words. I was a shitty liar, and I hadn’t really thought about the type of impact this would have on anyone. I shook my head in frustration.
“Mom, I was just tired of being the one left out of the success stories. I can’t be successful in the way I know I should have been. So I was shouting nonsense without meaning. I felt like a loser, so I acted like one.”
The sympathy that washed over her face made me cringe.That—that look—was the one I was running from. I fucking hated it.
Attempting to change the subject, I asked, “Who found me on the trails?”
My mother shrugged as she pulled out of the parking lot. “I don’t know. Some girl just called an ambulance.”
Lennon
Somehow, I had made it back to that room. It was my third session, with twenty-one still remaining after today. I tried my very best to keep my focus on the task in front of me and not on the daunting number of sessions I still had to attend. The fact of the matter was that I had completed two—almost three sessions. I could fucking do this. I had to.
Asher didn’t sit next to me in the group this time, which I found perplexing. Maybe he had finally gotten the hint that I wasn’t interested in his bullshit. I wasn’t interested in his attempts to make me feel safe or comforted by his relaxed nature. No. None of it swayed me.
I peered over at him from my seat, making sure an apathetic glare rested upon my features in the event he looked up. If I was being honest, I was surprised his eyes didn’t meet mine. I shook my head in annoyance and looked away. Dana prepared the group for the session, acting as the hostess with the mostest, as she so naturally did. There were only minutes to spare, which felt like hours when the silence was deafening between two people in the room.
Once again, I looked back at Asher. My features softened subconsciously as I took in his appearance. There was something about the way he sat that looked painful. His shoulders were slouched slightly more forward than they had been last week,and his face appeared more flushed than it had been. Asher normally kept his arms open, almost to invite you in for a hug. But today, they were tightly wrapped across his chest, as though he was holding himself together in his own embrace. For some reason, it bothered me. And I couldn’t shake why.
