My breathing stabilized. A false calm washed over me. I could do it. I could push past the fear. I could push them all out of my brain. The vile image of my mother could disappear. In the end, it wouldn’t matter because I’d be dead. I’d be dead and it wouldn’t matter what happened to my body.
I would be dead, and this would be over. My God, it would finally be over.
Then a whining sound drifted in from the hallway. It was faint, but I heard it.
My heart slammed against my eardrums as realization struck me like a freight train. Oh my God. The puppy. My puppy. Mine and Asher’s. I scrambled to my feet, tears blinding me as I raced back toward the bedroom I’d fled without thinking.
I was an idiot. I almost left her alone and terrified, with no one to take care of her. I would’ve been no better than the people who left me alone in my life.
I burst into the room and saw her—long-haired, green-eyed—cowering in the corner after making a mess. She’d been trying to tell me she needed to go outside, and I’d been too wrapped up with my own bullshit to see anything else.
Fuck. I was turning into my mother.
I couldn’t become her. That wasn’t the life I wanted for whatever time I had left. No. I needed to be better than that.
I crouched near Nova, guilt flooding me as I saw how frightened she was. I offered her space, no cruelty in my eyes, and slowly lowered myself down next to her. She shook in fear with each slow movement I made in her direction.
“I’m so sorry, Nova,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have made you wait like that. I’m so sorry.” I took a steadying breath. “You see, I’m new to this whole taking care of others thing, and I forgot. It’s no excuse—I know—but it’s the truth. Can you forgive me?”
We sat there in silence until I felt a cold, gentle nudge against my hand. She tended to a wound on my knuckle by licking it softly, a wound I hadn’t even realized I had. Shame settled in as I realized how little self-control I’d had.
I reached out and scratched behind her ear.
“We can do this together,” I murmured. “Until I can’t anymore. And when that happens, I promise—as sure as anything, with all the certainty in my heart—that Asher will loveyou so much better than I ever could. But in the meantime, I’ve got you. Okay? I’ve got you…until I can’t anymore.”
Asher
Iwas eager to get to group. I arrived early, excitement brewing internally, knowing I’d be seeing Lennon soon—even if it were only here. Anything was worth it just to see those uniquely green eyes, always wide and surprised, and that messy, bleached hair that somehow looked perfect without ever meeting a brush. It just worked for her. I bet anything would.
When I entered room C125, Athena and Marco were already there. By societal standards, Athena was the kind of woman anyone would want on their arm. She always arrived dressed in designer clothes, her hair perfectly placed, makeup subtle but intentional, accentuating the results of surgical cosmetics.
What I slowly learned about her was that appearances never painted a full picture of someone’s insides. Athena was self-conscious to a devastating fault. She had ended up in therapy after a suicide attempt—an overdose. She admitted to the group that any other method might have altered her appearance, and she couldn’t stand the thought of others seeing the flaws she believed lived inside her.
She was beautiful, but she couldn’t see it. In that way, she reminded me of Lennon.
Lennon didn’t want to keep going on this Earth, convinced the world would be better off without her. She couldn’t have been more wrong. My world would have been infinitely worsewithout her in it. There was something about her assertiveness that put me in my place with every encounter—even during the soft, sweet moments.
I took my seat, restless and impatient, my eyes flickering again and again to the doorway, half-expecting her to be the next one through it.
Jane, Marco, and Aria filtered in. And then there she was.
I cleared my throat at the sight of her. My God. Every time felt like the first time.
Her eyes were bright, yet tinged with sadness. She had been crying all morning; I could tell. The rush of excitement I’d felt at seeing her dissolved into a deep, aching urge to take away whatever pain she was carrying. She avoided my gaze as she walked in. Lennon usually didn’t care much about what she wore, but today was different. She had on oversized, grey sweatpants—something I’d never seen her wear before—and a worn black hoodie withKornemblazoned across the front. It looked old and well-loved, like it had once been a favourite.
She dropped into her chair as far from me as possible, angling herself so she didn’t have to meet my eyes. What was eating at her today?
Once everyone was seated, Dana began the group. Though her voice pulled at my attention, my focus stayed fixed on Lennon.
“Alright team,” Dana said. “From what I can tell, group has been going well. Some of you have been challenged, and some of you have been given new opportunities for perspective shifts. That’s huge!”
She was enthusiastic, but it felt like there was more layered beneath her speech.
“We’re going to start addressing some underlying triggers for each of you. Now, I know this is the gruelling part—the part where you may want to throw in the towel and call this groupquits. It will require you to step fully outside your comfort zone, but this is where real change is going to happen. Everyone still with me?”
The group nodded, a few subtle groans surfacing in acknowledgment of their unfortunate attentiveness.
Dana scanned the room, taking in our presence and reluctant willingness to participate. She seemed pleased by the attention we gave her.
