I looked back at the green leaves and the strong, tall branches, and just how vibrant it was in such a concrete space.
It dawned on me that I was standing there like an idiot while the little menace who had, in fact, caused havoc in my life, disappeared inside.
I flung the door open and took the stairs two at a time, my heart beating painfully in my chest cavity. Reaching her door, I banged sharply three times.
“Go away,” she called.
“If you don’t open this damn door, Lennon, I’m going to break it down!” I shout in return.
Her footsteps pounded toward the entrance, angry and intense. It swung open with hostile speed.
Before she could say another word, I stepped forward, cupped her face, and kissed the pouty lips that haunted my dreams.
Her mouth was rigid at first, stiff with rage. Then she softened. Her body melted into mine as the anger seeped out of her pores. All the tension in her body was relieved into the space around us.
Reluctantly, I pulled my mouth away from hers, hands still framing her face.
“Yes, Lennon. You’re messy. Youdoact like a huge nuisance and a pain in my fucking ass. But goddamn, you are not weak.” My forehead pressed into hers. “And yeah, you mightbe invasive, but for fuck’s sake, I think you’re beautiful and I wouldn’t change it. You bring light to a world I didn’t even fucking see before. And maybe I want you to see yourself the way I do, but that doesn’t mean I want to fix you. I want you. All of you. The messy version. The hurt, sad, angry, vengeful, fucking nuisance, pain-in-my-ass version. That’s the version I want. The one I’ve always wanted.”
She stared at me like I’d knocked the breath out of her lungs. I inhaled a deep breath.
For the first time, I think I left Lennon speechless.
Her eyes lost themselves in mine, and for a moment, I thought she might cry.
Lennon breaks our gaze and looks down at the floor, subtly shaking her head.
“You don’t want me, Asher,” she said quietly.
Her statement was simple, but it struck like a dagger through me.
“Oh, but Lennon, I do. I so fucking do.”
Those piercing greens glided up and faced me, this time bloodshot. The green was crystal clear. “I’m no good. I’m rotting from the inside.”
It took everything in me not to choke up then grill her for thinking of herself that way, but I switched gears instead. “Perfect,” I whispered. “So am I. I’ve told you before, I’d rot with you forever. So let’s fucking do just that.”
Lennon attempted to pull away, but I resisted.
“Little siren, be mine until the duration of our lives times out. Be mine while we rot together. Where else would you rather be?”
Her tears were a faucet now, flowing with no end in sight. She plunged her head into my chest, sobbing, with real, guttural sadness. I pulled her in with no hesitation as my fingers slid through the tangled, blonde strands. I kissed the crown of herhead and rocked her gently from side to side, urging myself to be strong for her.
Then there was a break in the weeping. Lennon muttered something intelligible.
“What’s that?” I asked softly.
“I found you once,” she said with a heartache I couldn’t place.
Her head pulled away from me. She looked me directly in the eyes. A test to determine my response.
“I found you passed out once. I—I didn’t know what to do. So I called an ambulance. I fucking called an ambulance, and when I heard the sirens, I ran. I didn’t even stay to make sure you were okay. What the fuck is wrong with me?”
The redness in her eyes progressed as the water filled her lids. I shook my head in realization. “No, honey. You did what you knew to do. You saved me. I lived because of you.”
“What kind of person leaves someone to die like that?” she cried out. “I fucking left you there like that. How am I supposed to be with you? Take care of you? Especially when I run…and I leave you like that when it matters?”
“You won’t,” I whispered, believing my words to my core. “You won’t ever again. Because you hate how you feel now.”
