This needed to be my end.
Today would be my end.
I had to do it. I needed to.
My phone buzzed on my nightstand. I had spent the day in bed re-evaluating my life’s existence and what I was actually doing to Asher, and the weight of it pressed heavy on my brain. I didn’t even look at the screen.
Then it began to ring.
Reaching for the annoyance, I flipped it over.
Asher’s name lit up in big, bright letters.
He was calling and after checking the time, I realized he was likely calling to remind me that Duke was on his way.
I declined the call and chose text instead. I couldn’t hear how excited he was. I couldn’t share how emotionally distraught I was.
Lennon:Yeah, yeah. I’ll be waiting for Duke.
Asher:Bet you look delicious.
I threw the phone across the room, shattering it to pieces on impact.
“Fuck!”
What was wrong with me?
He could choose anyone—fucking anyone—and he was wasting his time on me. It was disgusting. It was cruel. I had just allowed this to go on, knowing full well he wouldn’t accept that I still wanted to end my life.
I tossed the covers off and dropped to my hands and knees, searching the floor. I was determining if my phone was recoverable.
It was not.
This was probably for the best. Rachel couldn’t reach me. Nor could Asher. And by then, it would be too late—for them, anyway.
A horn honked outside. I got up from the ground, catching sight of Duke waiting below. I breathed in deeply, accepting that I would either have to blow him off or make him wait. If I made him wait too long, he’d come upstairs and knock. I didn’t want that. I would have to go downstairs and tell him I wasn’t showing.
I hung my head, making my way down the hall toward my front door. I was the replica of a street rat—oversized dirty hoodie, black sweatpants with frayed cuffs.
Completing the walk of shame, I finally reached his vehicle.
“Ms. Becker, we’re cutting it close unless you plan on attending dinner in your current attire,” Duke said a slight grin that reminded me he was capable of jokes.
But today wasn’t a joking day.
Unfortunately, today was peace.
I offered an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, Duke. I have to cancel. I’m just not feeling well. I tried explaining to Asher, but he insisted that I come, anyway. I’ve been throwing up and just not in the right mindset for dinner, you know?”
Duke nodded, not buying my lies, but unable to question it.
“Okay, Ms. Becker. I’ll let Asher know—”
“No. Don’t. He refused to accept my cancellation. I’m going to bed now. I’ll just message him in the morning, okay?” I said, trying to play it cool, knowing that Asher was likely going to show up at my door unannounced.
Duke was skeptical. I saw it written across his face. He knew I was being dishonest.
“If there’s anything you need, medicine, food, a ride to the hospital, you name it. I’ll come fetch you, too. You’re important to Mr. Graves.”
