“The truth,” she shot back, then she got close to me. She leaned in until she was in my face, nose to nose. “Say that you knew it was wrong and you did it anyway.”
Silence stretched for a second. I licked my lips before I spoke.
“…I knew it was wrong,” I said. “And I did it anyway.”
She nodded slowly.
“Good job,” she said. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
I reached for her but she pulled away. She walked over to the window, arms wrapping around herself this time, looking out but not really seeing anything.
“And you know what makes it worse?” she said after a second.
I didn’t respond.
“You don’t even realize how deep that cuts,” she continued. “You so stuck in your guilt and your past, you not even thinking about how this lands on me.”
“I am thinking about you.”
Chewy shifted in my lap, nudging my hand when I stopped petting him. I started again without thinking.
She watched that for a second.
Then sighed.
“You really messed this up,” she said. “And I don’t even know what to do with that.”
“I’m here,” I said. “We figure it out.”
She shook her head slowly.
“I don’t know if I want to figure it out,” she admitted. “I feel like the whole thing was a waste.”
“It wasn’t, Bunny.”
“Oh yeah?” she said stepping closer, eyes locked on mine. “Tell me one thing. When you were with me, while we were having sex… did you ever look at me and think of my mother?”
Her eyes were pleading with me, begging me to say no. And I couldn’t.
“…yes.”
“Wow.”
“I know, it’s fucked up.”
“So you lied to me! I asked you if you thought about someone else and you said no!”
“It didn’t happen at that point, Bunny. It only happened when you told me you loved me.”
She stared at me. “I seriously can’t believe you.”
“What do you want me to do, Rory?” I stood, my voice tighter now. “Lie and dig a bigger hole for myself?”
She flinched slightly at that.
“But I’ve never compared you two,” I added quickly. “I’m not looking for her in you. I’m not reliving anything. I’m not doing that. I care about you. I see you. I love you. I just?—”
“Stop.”
