She shatters with a cry that makes me feel like the most powerful man alive. I come edge seconds later, my release pulsing through me as I bury myself deep inside her.
“Ethan?” Natalie says a few minutes later.
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
My heart stumbles over itself. We've been dancing around this for weeks, saying things like ‘I'm falling for you’ and ‘you mean so much to me’. But neither of us has said the actual words until now.
I tilt her chin up so I can look into her eyes. “I love you too.”
A beautiful smile comes over her face. She kisses me, then settles back against my chest with a contented sigh.
“How are you feeling about tomorrow?” she asks.
Tomorrow is my first time back on the ice. The thought sends a jolt of anxiety through me that I try to hide.
“Fine.”
“Liar.” She props herself up on her elbow. “Talk to me.”
“I have a few insecurities.” I take a deep breath. Voicing my anxieties out with Natalie is easy, but it also makes me vulnerable as fuck. “What if I can't do it?”
“You can.”
“What if I get out there and my knee gives out? What if my body doesn't remember how to skate?” The fears I've been pushing down for months come spilling out. “What if everything I've worked for means nothing and I'm done?”
“Then we deal with it.” Her voice is calm. “But that's not going to happen.”
“You can't know that.”
She puts her hand on my chest, right over my heart. “I've worked with you for months. Your body is ready, Ethan. Your knee is strong. The only thing that can hold you back is fear.”
“Fear is a pretty big thing.”
“It is. But you're bigger.” She kisses my jaw. “Tomorrow, you're going to step onto that ice and remember who you are. And I'm going to be right there, cheering you on.”
I pull her closer and hold her tight. I don't know what I did to deserve this woman, but I'm never letting her go.
The arena isempty when I arrive at six in the morning.
Coach Reeves is waiting for me at the entrance to the ice. He trained me when I first joined the Renegades, and he's the only person I trust with this moment.
“Ward.” He nods in greeting. “Ready to get back out there?”
“As ready as I'll ever be.”
Natalie appears at my side, dressed in her Renegades polo and holding a clipboard. She's here in her professional capacity, ready to assess my movement and flag any concerns.
“You've got this,” she says quietly.
I sit on the bench and lace up my skates for the first time in five months. The familiar motions calm my nerves. Pull the tongue forward. Thread the laces through the eyelets. Tie them tight, but not too tight.
I've done this a thousand times. My hands know what to do even when my brain is screaming with doubt.
Coach Reeves opens the gate to the ice and stands aside. “Take your time. There is no pressure. Just get a feel for it.”
I stand on shaky legs and approach the entrance. The ice stretches out before me, waiting. I've spent my entire life on surfaces like this. It should feel like home.
