“I am thinking… I have not been alone with Mira since Halvar arrived.”
Arik spit out a portion of his drink as he laughed.“You ask the king to mind your child?”
“I do,” Fell grinned.
We ran outside together, along the beach, knowing we would have to hurry as I wouldn’t bear being apart from Halvar for too long.I thought we would go to Odae, but Fell wanted us to rush into the sea.It was the first day warm enough to do it.And once within, his hands ran up my skirt.“Someone will see!”I shouted at him.
“No, we will go quickly.”
“No!”I laughed and swatted his hands back.“Anyone from the palace may come upon us at any moment.”
“Just think, one day we will be old, and we will remember this day.We will say, ah, we were so young and crazy then.”And there was nothing to do in response to that but cry or have sex with him, so I did both.And that evening, when we were lying by the fire, listening to Reedman play an absolutely gorgeous melody, Halvar tucked into the crook of my arm and me tucked into Fell, Fell leaned in to kiss the top of my head.
“Too many stars,” he whispered into my hair.“Far too many stars.”
Forty
Ihave told you of myself and Halvar, and of Fell and Halvar.So now I will tell you of Arik and Halvar.The king was so enamoured with the child that it became hard to separate them.When I would lift Halvar from the king’s arms to take him somewhere for feeding, the king would chastise me playfully, “You must not keep him long.”When Halvar sneezed, Arik used his own sleeve to wipe it.
“Who is my favourite?”Arik would say almost every time he saw Halvar.“It is you.”
One day, shortly after resuming my music lessons at half length, I made my way back to the private hall where I’d left Fell and Arik and Halvar.I found King Arik sitting with Halvar on his lap.Fell was asleep on the floor, still recovering from the one long day that was Halvar’s first three moons of life.
Arik kept his voice low as he spoke to Halvar, seemingly not wanting to wake Fell, but that didn’t truly stop his voice from carrying.“You are strong and brave and handsome enough to have anyone in your bed you would like, but not so handsome that other men will despise you.”
I stopped just inside the door, listening.
“You are clever.You are well-sensed.You always know when something is not right.”
Halvar trilled.
“Yes.You are aware.You see the lesson before anyone else and are quick to adjust.You are flexible.You always find a way.”
Halvar made a mewling sound, letting me know he was about to cry, so I entered more fully, playfully glaring at the king.“What is the loud man telling you?”
King Arik laughed as Halvar moaned, threatening tears, determined to be in my arms now that he could sense me.
“I only give him some things to believe, Gentlewoman.Dangerous, yes.But far less dangerous not to have.”
When I frowned teasingly at him, the king continued.“If he believes that he is clever, he will be.He will look for other paths where lesser people would give up.He will say to himself: I am clever, I will see the way.He will keep trying and, in this way, he will succeed.”
I was exhausted, so had no patience.“An ugly person could call themselves beautiful all they wanted.Their face wouldn’t change.”
Arik’s laugh was so loud I could feel it in my chest.“You are a clever woman, but this is utter nonsense.There is great power in what a person is called.An ugly person called beautiful will change their posture, their expression, how long they hold someone’s gaze… without knowing it, they will become more beautiful.And a beautiful person called ugly will become so if they believe it.”
I smirked, shaking my head.
“Take you, Gentlewoman.You were told your whole childhood you were above others.Highborn.Selected by your order.You believed this, and so even when living assotenyou were different—was it not so?You were a non-citizen living in a palace with your every need met.”
“You and Fell did that.Not me.”
“Let us think more on it.You were calledsotenafter you were named Norsen, and you did not correct people.Fell has told me this.It bothered him, and it bothers me.To me, this says you have been calledsotenfor so long that you have accepted it in your mind.That you have begun to believe this is what you are.A liberated person who thinks themselves unliberated will end up serving again.You are free and powerful, Gentlewoman.You can direct your own life.I would hate for you to forget it.”
I rolled my eyes, completely accustomed to Arik’s grand way of speaking.
Arik leaned forward and lowered his voice.“I will tell you something scandalous, Gentlewoman.It will prove my correctness, but you must not repeat it.”
He looked even younger than normal, his wolfish eyes wide and shining.He giggled the way Norsern did when they were about to do something they knew they shouldn’t.
