“No.”
He reached for me.“Mira, I?—”
I took a step back.“No.”
“I would not want it this way, but I cannot stop him.I have tried.”He laughed at himself before growing serious again.“Someone must guard his back.”
“Let it be Halbjern or Ivar or any of the raiders who follow him around.”My voice ground firm like stone, like Arik’s voice did.
“I love him,” Fell said quietly.
In the distance, I heard Halvar’s croaky, near-cry grumble.
“More than you love me?”
“No, or… no.But he takes more risks than you.He is in more danger.His friends are more likely to secretly think of harming him.”
I understood in my mind, but not in my heart, not in my body.“If you leave me for long, I will hate you.”
“Do not say this.You have Rowan and Dania.Fara, too—she senses things before they come.She will anticipate danger.Arik has only me.”
I recalled so clearly my dream—the sea tugging Fell away slowly.Him not fighting it at all.My voice cracked as I said my next words.“If you let yourself be taken from me, I will hate you for it.Make your choice.”And then I stormed after Rowan and Fara, plucked Halvar from Rowan’s arms, and made my way back to the palace.
Forty-One
He cannot.He will not,I told myself as I wandered the halls, rocking Halvar and bouncing him, my arms straining, my blood heating as anger rose within me and then cooling as sadness swept through.The idea of Fell being gone.
My feet took me to a courtyard I had not visited much since I first arrived in Aalt.It was where Jorn did his star sighting, where he’d provided refuge for me my first shy moon in the north.
The air outside was too warm to feel truly fresh, and I stood, waiting for the breeze to stir around me as it often did so close to the sea.It did not come.The taste of salt weighed heavy in the air.The cloudless sky above seemed thick.I forced deep breath upon deep breath, but no ease came to me.
“Mira?”
I jumped—I was in a state—and this startled Halvar, so he cried.I shuffled him back and forth, trying to find the rhythm he so loved.It was Jorn who’d arrived, which shouldn’t have surprised me.
“Hello,” I said.
He tilted his head to the side, frowning in confusion.“You… would like a reading?”
I shook my head.And then I wiped at my face with my one free hand because my tears were coming and I didn’t want them to.
“You would like to sit?”
He pulled out a chair for me, and I took it as he set out a cup for me and poured tea into it.It seemed like he was avoiding my gaze, and I realized suddenly how often that happened.
“You have been avoiding me,” I said slowly, my mind straining a little with the idea.
“No,” Jorn said.“I have been paying very close attention to you.But I did not want Arik to notice, so I have been pretending to avoid you.”
“You are so utterly cryptic?—”
He laughed.“No one says this word so much?—”
“Why have you been hiding the attention you are paying me?”Though Halvar was quieted, his weight was making my arm sore.I shifted him, discovering a spot of quickly cooling drool on my shoulder.
Jorn shrugged, turning a casting stone that sat on the table around in his fingers.“For someone like me, you are noticeable… You have great potential.In another situation, I would offer to take you as my apprentice.But in this life…” He sighed.“It matters not.I think it has not helped.Arik sees you as… part of the myth of his life.”
My heart slowed.“And what do you see me as?”
