Our shoulders touch as we lean over the book. Her hand brushes mine turning a page, lingers half a second longer than necessary.
"You study people the way I study plants," she says quietly.
"I study you because I want to understand what I'm feeling."
"What are you feeling?" Her voice is husky, and it sends a shudder through me.
"That's what I'm trying to map."
The library closing announcement echoes through the space. Nine pm. We've been here for two hours.
I gather books and return them to their shelves. When I pick up her bag too, she doesn't protest.
We walk out together into the October night.
Campus is quiet at this hour. Most students are already back in their residence halls or claiming study spaces for late-night work.
We're halfway across the quad when I speak. "I've been thinking about what I said. In the dining hall."
"About what you want?"
"About not being ready." I look straight ahead. "I've been analyzing why."
"Julian, you can't control feelings." I sense herstudying my profile as we walk, but I don’t look at her. "I know. That's why I've been thinking about them instead of feeling them."
"Does thinking help?"
I stop walking and face her.
We're in the middle of the quad now. Lamplight from multiple posts creating overlapping pools of gold. A few students are visible in the distance, crossing campus on their own paths.
"No." I manage a small smile. "Thinking doesn't help. I've been planning this."
"Planning what?" The gleam in her eyes tells me she already knows the answer.
"Kissing you. I've thought about variables, timing, location, making it… unique." I glance around the quad. Anyone could see us here, and I’m okay with that. “Then Pen told me to go out and do it…”
“You spoke to Pen about kissing me?”
“She was matter-of-fact about it. I want to kiss you, therefore I should kiss you.”
Elowen smiles. “She has a point.”
My lips twitch, but I’m too nervous to reciprocate her smile. "May I?" I cup her jaw gently with my hand, thumb at her pulse point.
"Yes."
I lean in slowly. Deliberate. And press my lips to her temple. Lingering there while she goes completely still.
"Your pulse just quickened," I murmur.
I kiss her cheek next. Longer this time. Her breath is warm against my skin.
She leans into it and whispers, "Julian, stop mapping and just?—"
I forget to analyze her reaction and kiss her mouth. My free hand instinctively slides to the small of her back, holding her close. My breath catches, the control I was trying to maintain slips completely, and I give into it.
This is what I’ve been waiting for since the first moment I set eyes on Elowen Rowan. I hold her closer, feel her body pressed against mine, and a small sound, a whimper, escapes my lips.
