“You wanted control,” he whispers. “I can’t stay away from you, but I didn’t want to force a meeting either. You knew where I was, so I left the choice to you.” A quiet sigh slips out. “I won’t lie, it was almost impossible to hold myself back. If you hadn’t come, I would’ve snapped soon.”
Warmth blooms in my chest. It shouldn’t. I try to crush it, but it’s too late. It spreads fast, all the way to my fingertips. Logic tells me this is messed up, but my heart doesn’t care.
I need distance. I need clarity. I need to stick to my decision.
“My break’s over,” I say quickly. “I have to go.”
I walk backward, keeping my eyes locked on his. He looks one second away from pouncing and starting to chase me down. It sends a thrill down my spine.
“Oh, by the way,” I add breezily, just before exiting the alley, “stop buying me houses. I would’ve found something eventually. I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can,” he replies calmly. “But if I can make your life easier, why wouldn’t I?” A smile curves his mouth. “Does Gary like his new home?”
“He loves it!” I laugh, then turn and run back to the bookstore.
What the hell am I doing?
Because sanity is a ladder and I clearly tripped on the first step, I’m once more back in the alley, following the dot like it’s a beam calling me home.
“How have you been sleeping?” I ask in a whisper.
We’ve been eating in silence for a few minutes now. Well, I’ve been eating. He hasn’t. He’s just been watching me with a frown all this time.
“You don’t have a big space and floor-to-ceiling windows at the clubhouse. And you’re on the road a lot now.” I look at him. “Do you still have nightmares, like the one you had at the motel? Do you remember them all?”
“There’s rarely been a night without nightmares since you’ve been gone,” he answers quietly. “And I remember every one of them.”
Something inside me hurts.
He steps closer, his hand cupping the side of my neck. Worry darkens his eyes.
“Is this a bad day?” he asks. “Are the shadows back?”
“No,” I shake my head with a half-smile. “It’s not a bad day, but it’s not a good one either.” I take a deep breath. He lets me gather my thoughts. “I had a nightmare last night,” I whisper. “I don’t remember it, but I woke up saying Bowie’s name.”
My ribcage tightens. I don’t know why I’m telling him this. It’s a grenade, and I just threw it at our feet.
I search his face, not sure what I’m looking for. A sign. Something dangerous. Something that would tell me to run. But there’s nothing there except worry.
“You think I’d snap again,” he murmurs, brows knitting, “if I heard you say his name in your sleep.”
I press my lips together. “Actually… no. Not really. At least not anymore.” My shoulders lift with a sigh. “It was just a shitty way to start the day. It made me remember too much of the past.”
His knuckles brush my cheek. Soft. Intimate. I close my eyes and lean into his touch, needing more of his warmth. His fingers slide into my hair.
“You’re a miracle, Adora,” he whispers, so close I feel his breath on my skin. “You survived things most people couldn’t even think about.” A pause. “I promise I’ll end everyone who ever hurt you.”
Another pause.
“Except myself.”
My eyes fly open.
There’s a small, almost sad smile at the corner of his mouth. “I can’t give you my head on a platter. I’m a selfish asshole. I want a future with you, and I’ll fight for it with everything I have. So all you’re getting on that platter is my heart.”
My eyes narrow, suspicion rising. “That was some almost poetic bullshit.” I step back, putting space between us. “How many of my books have you been reading?”
He blinks. Once. Twice. Then shrugs.
