Fuck me, I don’t want to, but I can’t stop myself from laughing too. It happens just as Gary yowls from somewhere down the hall, announcing he just took a shit.
Adora
I can’t believe what the fuck I’m seeing. How did my life get to this point? How did I go from living in fear, to scraping by in anxiety-ridden poverty, to now… this? Surrounded by love, friends, and whatever insanity is happening in front of me?
I got my rainbow-sprinkle birthday cake from what Dominic calls my Everything List. A four-tiered one that, if I didn’t know any better, would belong at some unconventional wedding. But instead it’s here, in the middle of the clubhouse, at my ‘Congratulations, you’re an Ol’ Lady now’party.
And it’s about to be cut in half by Mindfuck.
Mindfuck, who is currently suspended in midair above the cake, strapped into some kind of harness rigged to the ceiling beams, holding a huge machete. Waiting to be dropped so he can slice the cake in one clean motion.
Tank, Domino, and Hellbat are holding trays, ready to catch the pieces before they hit the floor. And Griffin — of all people — is with them, holding a tray too. This is his first clubhouse party, and that grin on his face says he’s enjoying it way too much. Bones has been wearing a sour expression for the last hour. Dominic isn’t far off, but he’s managing.
I blink, squeezing my eyes shut. And nope. Still real.
“He’s going to chop off his fingers,” Ria says beside me, voice soft, almost dreamy. “And I can’t wait to see it happen.”
“Worse,” Dominic growls from my other side. “He’s going to ruin the fucking cake, and then I’ll have to drown him in a toilet full of shit.”
A laugh bubbles up in my chest, but I swallow it, taking another bite of the cake already in my hand. It’s so fucking good. Mama and Ria did an amazing job. Dominic was right when he insisted I make the first cut and get my piece before any of this madness started.
He steps forward, like he’s about to stop it.
Absolutely not.
I slap my hand against his chest, halting him mid-step. He looks down at me, brows pulling together.
“Don’t you dare stop him,” I say, grinning. “Let it happen. And let me see.”
Ria makes a soft, delighted sound. “Oh, Ghostberry, I’d love to see the toilet thing too. Make it happen, even if he succeeds with the cake.”
Dominic turns his head slowly toward her, his frown deepening.
“I have to say,” he starts, “Ghostberry isn’t your best insult, Powerpuff. It’s the snowberry plant, isn’t it?” He crosses his arms. “It looks nice.”
Ria tilts her head, smiling like she’s made of cotton candy instead of venom.
“Yes, it looks nice, doesn’t it?” she says sweetly. “It’s also toxic and causes diarrhea. Just like you.”
I choke on my cake. Dominic starts rubbing my back, glaring at Ria.
“Is that what you put in your fucking coffees?”
“A million bucks and I’ll tell you,” she coos, head tilted, hands clasped behind her. “It’s a very sought-after secret.”
I look between them, eyes wide, completely pulled into their conversation, until a roar explodes through the room. People cheering, losing their damn minds.
My head snaps toward the cake. Fuck, it’s too late. Mindfuck’s already on the ground, the machete stuck in the table, the cake split in two, the idiots with the trays scrambling around to catch the pieces.
“Aww!” I whine, shoulders dropping. “I missed it!”
Dominic’s arm wraps around my shoulders, and he leans down, pressing a kiss to the side of my head. I lean into his warmth.
“I’ll get another one for you next week,” he murmurs. “And make Mindfuck do it again.”
I nod in agreement, already looking forward to it, and shove another big piece of cake into my mouth.
Just a few hours later, I’m not in blissful disbelief anymore. I’m horrified, standing behind the bar, pouring myself a stiff one, trying to bleach my mind.
