“I'm sorry; you said she has ugly feet?”
“Sí, her little toe, it has no nail and is curled up like the Roly Poly bug and stuck under the third toe,” Micah replied.“I find it disconcerting.”
“Son, you are discounting her based on her little toe?”
“Toes,” he corrected.“Both of her little toes are like that - no toenails.If it is, it is curled up as well inside that tiny, misshapen toe.”
“You don't want this pairing because of her toes?”
“Feet, Papa,” he corrected again.“She took off herespadrilles, and the shoes were next to mine at the pool at the Conclave, and her feet are the same size.I mean, if we were ever in a canoe and I lost an oar, she could use her feet to get us down the river.No, I do not want to spend my life sleeping next toThe Big Foot.”
Eduardo stared at him.“Are you making the funny?”
“No, I am very serious,” Micah said, using his feet like oars as if he were pushing an imaginary skateboard.
“Okay, I also spoke with the Czar of Suriname, whose oldest daughter just turned 17 and will be entering University in the fall,” Eduardo said.
“Papa, seriously?Did you look at that young lady?I'm sure you didn't because you would not put her name in front of me as an option.”
“What is wrong with her?”
“She's cross-eyed, or I think she's cross-eyed,” Micah said.“One eye was fixed on me while the other was clocking the mosquito in the room.I thought she was having a seizure, so I jumped up and tried sticking a spoon in her mouth to prevent the swallowing of her tongue.She thought I was attempting to perform a sexual act on her and began fighting me.I thought Alita was going to snap her neck.”
Eduardo tried not to laugh.“Son, there is nothing wrong with her eyes that can't be repaired by a good physician.”
“Sure, and you and I can spend the rest of our days fighting,” Micah replied.
“And why would we be fighting?”
“Your anger at me for polluting your line with little cross-eyed grandbabies that you don't know if they are looking at you or the wall.God forbid trying to teach them to throw daggers or ninja stars.It will be a mess.”
Eduardo leaned back in the chair, taking a fresh look at his son, “You are making the funny, aren't you?When did you get such a dark sense of humor?”
“I make not the kidding; she is truly cross-eyed,” Micah said, leaning back in the seat.
His father was not giving up on the conversation, trying again, by offering another suggestion, “Okay, Uruguay?”
“The one that used to begordita?”
“She's lost the weight and is a lovely young woman, a pleasant smile, warm demeanor,” Eduardo said.
“Her titties are long and flat,” Micah said.“True, she lost the weight, but she lost the weight in her boobies too.I would spend a fortune on boob jobs so I don't have to retrieve one from under her armpit if I wanted a little nipple sucking before bedtime.”
“Who are you, and where is my son?”Eduardo asked, looking at Micah in a new light.
“I am who I am,” he said.
“Speaking of that, I noticed you have not been with your assigned paramour in months.Are you finding engagement on your own?”Eduardo asked, concerned about his son's activities.
“Nope, just can't shake the idea of you paying for it for me, then she goes home and gives it to someone else, then washes it off to bring for me to use again.Gave me the creepy crawlies,” he said.“What if the one at home has bad dental hygiene and he's putting his nasty mouth there, then here I come, protected of course, and I'm not putting my mouth there, but his has been, and the bacteria from his unflossed teeth....”
“Please stop,” Eduardo said.“That mind of yours takes you places...I, well, damn.”
“So, Papa, are you going to the wedding with me in Loo-ey-vill, Ken-tuck-ee?”he asked with all sincerity.
“Sure, if it means never having this conversation again,” Eduardo said, pausing.“Wait, you're not getting out of this marriage conversation.I need to make you a match.”
“I implore you, Papa, please do not,” he said.“While I understand tradition, I am not a man with a traditional mind, and these young women are not prepared to live a life with me as their man, husband, and father to their children.I fear an incorrect pairing would mortally wound me to the point I can't recover, and to be saddled with a woman I don't like, nor does she like me, could be too much emotionally for me to bear.My wheelhouse is not very large to process the emotions of a new chapter at university and a potentially hostile bride.I need time, Papa.”
