I pout at my best friend. “If I do that, no one will ever hear me because I’ll forget.”
“You’re in a bit of a catch-22 there, aren’t ya?”
I pretend to grumble but I already feel a thousand times better. I know that if I truly fucked things up, they would tell me. Kei and Rin both seem really chill about the entire thing and only find it funny. I think I was freaking out more than when Maki called Rin on stream and that had been quite the scandal in the online world.
I allow myself to relax as I finish my food. I sink into the nest, surrounded by my little pack. I rest my head on Rin’s shoulder and Kei rests against mine.
The next time Snow streams, I’ll go sit in his chat and see if I can make things better between us. I want to see him in action. I want to listen to his voice again.
Good gravy, am I developing a crush on someone I just met? In my defense, it’s been a long time since I’ve actually dated anyone. Apparently, all it takes is a sexy voice and to be competent at a video game to get my heart stirring, who would have thought?
“How’s the all accomplishment run going?” Rin asks Kei which sets him off on a rant. He’s really getting into this game and it’s kind of adorable to watch.
I close my eyes, listening to my best friends talk, soothed by their voices. I have no idea how long I last but quicker than I thought possible, I fall asleep.
Chapter Four
Gayle
“Hey, Bruce. How areyou?”
Bruce pulls me into a quick hug. I shake off the burning sensation at the back of my neck where my broken mating bite sits, hugging him back. “I’m good, Gayle. How’re you doing? Anything new?”
I shake my head. “I’m good, thanks. Nothing new. Same shit, different day,” I say, suddenly feeling like my dad. Jesus, when did I get so old?
“You sound like Grandpa,” Calloway says, wrinkling his nose at me.
“Shut it,” I say, shoving his shoulder and making him chuckle.
It might be odd, the three of us out and about together. We walk through the front door of the mall in Nanio, making our way through the food court. I live about an hour away from Nanio but because this is such a big city, it has far more places for shopping. The smell of fresh coffee hits my nose and my mouth waters.
“Coffee first. Then shopping,” I tell Bruce and Calloway, both of them cracking jokes at my coffee addiction.
I step in line, waiting for my turn. It was about twenty years ago that Bruce and I mated. Our parents arranged the mating for us. We met, courted, and went along with it. Gods, twenty years is practically a lifetime, or at least, it sure feels that way to me. I was a completely different person back then.
Despite both being alphas, our parents thought it would be an excellent arrangement. Bruce and I made it work. We loved each other, but we weren’t everin love. Part of me will always think that was my fault, for not being myself until later on in life.
I was born a female alpha. I did everything I could to be the woman my family wanted me to be. I was the doting wife, the loving mother, the homemaker. I was good at it, but it was eating me from the inside out, like a decay I needed to cut free before it dragged me all the way down into my own grave.
The day I came out to Bruce, explaining I was trans, we both cried. Bruce took it all in stride. We’ve known each other practically our entire lives, so something like this wasn’t going to tear us apart. We’re still friends, we’re just not mated any longer.
We both had our mating bites broken professionally. It still hurts sometimes when we’re together, but that’s a small price to pay for being able to live completely authentically as myself. Bruce has been dating and though nothing has stuck yet, we’re bothhappy. Much happier than we were when we were trying to pretend everything was okay between us.
“Hi,” I say to the barista. He gives me a wide grin, his name tag reading ‘Jin’. “Can I please have a mocha chip frappe with an extra shot of espresso, please?”
“Absolutely!” I pay for my drink and then move down the counter, waiting.
It’s been a long time since I even thought about dating again. I’ve only ever been with Bruce. It’s not that I don’twantto date, it’s more that I’m so stuck in my head about the whole thing.
I’m nearly forty years old with a sixteen-year-old son. I sit in my room all day, every day for work. I still feel all wonky in my own skin some days. For medical reasons, I can’t take the hormones that would drop my voice or make me look more masculine so I’m stuck voice training and chopping my hair off. I was able to have top surgery but even so, some days I still get lost in my head.
I feel like a mess. I’m not what I would call a catch.
“Here you go,” Jin says, sliding my ridiculous order over. It looks more like a dessert than a coffee. I love it! “I hope you have a great rest of your day.”
“Thanks, you too,” I say with a smile, doing my best to push all of the bullshit in my head away.
Today we’re having a family day. It’s best if I focus my attention on Calloway instead of whatever these feelings are. All of this spiraling is thanks tooneencounter.
