We talk, we tease each other, we prod at each other’s walls, but so far, nothing serious has ever happened between us. I can tell he’s not interested in anything more than what we already are but for some fucking reason, he sent me that care package?
I wasfinejust thinking of him as this disembodied being who riled me up over text and made sure my chat was under control. I wasfinepining over a person I knew I would never meet or get to know past our pleasantries online.
He’sthe one who broke that wall and dipped his toes into something more. He’s left me floundering and part of me resents him for that. We could have kept doing this weird dance where we talk and flirt and poke at each other. We could have enjoyed this ‘will they, won’t they’ dance, knowing it would never come to anything.
I run my hands through my hair, sitting back in my computer chair with a loud sigh. Thank Christ I’m not like Rodney and I actually know how to mute my mic because there’s no way in hell I’d let chat hear me sounding like this.
I sound like a lovesick asshole.
Maybe Iama lovesick asshole.
Nah, that would mean I’m in love and fuck that. I’m too mean to fall in love. Love is for people who’resoftandkind. Love is for people like my best friends, Rin and Rodney. Love is for people like Maki and Gayle. I’m not like them. I’ll stick with fucking and going home alone.
Rubbing at my eyes, I double check that I look okay before flipping the scene of my stream. Now I’m front and center, my webcam taking up the whole stream screen.
“Hi, everybody,” I say in greeting. “How’s it going? I see there’s more people here than usual. Y’all have got to get your voyeurkink under control. I say I’m having an online date and you’re all fucking creaming yourselves to watch.”
CherryCherry: Love the tone we’re starting the stream with…
GuessWhat(vip): This is going to be GREAT
GuessWhat(vip): Also HEY! Don’t kinkshame us!
WizeWizard(mod): I’ve been looking forward to this stream all week
“Hey, Wizard?” I say, looking into the camera. “Go fuck yourself.”
WizeWizard(mod): Nah, that’s Azaad’s job
GuessWhat(vip): Heyooo?? 0.0
Azaad(mod): *blushes*
ExcitedOwl: WHAT DID I JUST WALK INTO???
OliverandCompany(vip): Hi Suga! Sully and I are watching together! He says hi too!
BedheadRooster: I’m so excited for this stream
“Jesus Christ,” I say through gritted teeth as I watch my viewer count skyrocket. That’s when the notification pops up on the screen. ‘BlueStreamer has raided you with 34k viewers’. I am going to kill him. I am going to actually walk out my door, walk over to Rin’s streaming room, and cover his face with a pillow until he stops squirming.
“I hate you. I hate you all. Out of all the streams to raid, you pick this one. Of fucking course. While you’re all here, make sure you subscribe because I’d love the money but otherwise, you really don’t have to stay. I’m just going to be playing a co-op game with one of my mods. It’s no big deal.”
I read through chat, smiling the tiniest bit to myself. “Hi, Oli. Hi, Sully. I know you’re only here to watch me suffer but it’s nice to know you’re here. You’ll know if you need to come and help me drink my embarrassment away in real time.”
OliverandCompany(vip): Just don’t do anything embarrassing?
WhoCares: Sounds like a skill issue
TenMonster(vip): Are you good at dating? I could use some advice if you are.
Azaad(mod): I wouldn’t say he’s GOOD at dating…
“Okay, first of all,” I say, looking into the camera. “Go fuck yourself, Azaad. And before you get on my case, I’m not trying to fuck your man, Wizard. Jesus. Second of all, ofcourseI’m good at dating, Ten. What do you need advice about?”
TenMonster(vip): I am thinking about kissing a boy for the first time. He’s my friend though, so I’m worried about making things awkward.
GuessWhat(vip): 0.0
