DIMITRI
CRAZY TRAIN - OZZY OSBOURNE
Using the smoldering hot cherry from the cigarette I’ve smoked down to the filter, I immediately light another, dragging the smoke deep into my lungs as I watch the big, black-on-black F350 pull into the lot behind Knotted Obsessions.
I’ve been waiting almost two hours for the club to open, and chain smoking the entire time.
Employees have been slowly trickling in for the last half hour. Styx, Leon, and Ransom, Cole and his sister. They got here before everyone else, they usually do, then Alexei and his crew followed close behind. Dancers and security started rolling up after that and as the seconds ticked by, I started to feel a little panicky.
Definitely not something I’m used to feeling.
I don’t fucking like it.
The thought of Niko not showing up tonight, especially after our run in last night, had me seconds from exploding and when I started thinking about Row staying home with him, that’s when it really hit.
Not because they’d be together. It would be stupid to think anything other than the two of them being together. It hit mehard because it would mean I hurt him,again, and Row was taking care of him the way I should take care of him. She’d be comforting Niko, consoling him. Row would be the one to hold him and soothe him through his pain. She’d be the mate he deserves, be the partner I should have been from the start, and it was like I could feel Niko slipping through my fingers all over again.
I take another hit off my cigarette and lift my free hand to my chest, rubbing hard over the center as those thoughts fill my head.
Nikolai is one of the purest souls I’ve ever met.
Yeah, sure, we’ve been killing people since we were old enough to navigate a hit without a babysitter, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be the best man I’ve ever known. He is, without a doubt, and that’s why I was never going to be good enough to be his alpha. Attempting to carry out a hit on him was the icing on the cake, and all I did was prove myself right in the process.
It hasn’t stopped me from loving him. Nothing could stop me from doing that but it still doesn’t make me worthy of his love in return. It doesn’t make me the man he needs let alone the mate he deserves.
Niko found that in Row.
The way she came at me proved it.
She was ready to tear me apart on his behalf. Hell, she probably would have if I hadn’t grabbed her wrist.
Row loves him, and there’s no doubt in my mind that Niko feels the same for her. What else would make her react that way?
I’ve been in her shoes, been in the same fucking situation and reacted the same fucking way because of how much I love Nikolai. He’s hard not to love with your entire heart, and Row obviously does.
I’m not jealous of her, not at all surprisingly. If anything I’m grateful that my omega has her. I’m glad he hasn’t been alone,and I’m glad he’s with people who love him the way he deserves to be loved. I’m not jealous of that, I just wish I could be a part of it.
I’m sure I can thank Styx and Leon for that, for coming to terms with the truth and my feelings on it.
Pouring my heart out to them wasn’t something I planned on doing, last night or ever, but it was apparently something I needed to do because once I started, I couldn’t stop. I told themeverything; from the time I met Niko when we were kids, all the way through childhood, our teen years, adulthood, bonding, and ended the tragic love story with Row threatening me because she obviously knows what happened between my mate and I. Which I also talked about in too much detail, I’m sure. They opened the flood gates, a dam fucking burst, and there wasn’t anything I could do to stop it.
I haven’t had anyone since I lost Niko, though, and whether it’s the bonds between us or the violent urge to talk to anyone willing to listen about my life, sharing with them helped.
Only to a degree.
I didn’t sleep at all last night, I couldn’t, and my pacing the halls of his apartment pissed Alexei off to the point of kicking me out at three in the morning. I drove around for a while after that, until I wound up here. I fell asleep for a couple of hours in the front seat of my truck, but it was restless and I woke up feeling like complete shit. Physically and emotionally. After that I decided to go get coffee and another pack of smokes, and I came back to wait a few more hours for things to get moving at the club.
I was relieved to see that normalcy, the hustle and bustle of KO opening, and to see Leon and Styx show up. Knowing they’re on the property will help when I find my balls and go inside. It even helped me calm down a little more.
Right up until a huge part of the staff got here and there was still no sign of my omega. Either of my omegas, or our big ass alpha.
That’s when the panic kicked up again and every worst case scenario I could conjure started running through my mind on a loop.
The only reason I didn’t come completely unglued while I wondered why the hell Niko wasn’t here yet was because I knew he was withthem. He was with Row and Rune, and that meant he was safe. I could be sure of that, at least.
But it didn’t mean he wasn’t hurt or upset, or he didn’t convince them to pack up their shit and leave.
Then again, Row matched with Leon, so maybe leaving wouldn’t be so easy.
