“If we leave you here, you’re going to bleed out in the shower.”
I still immediately, her words overriding the pain, and I force my eyes open.
Aisling and Aurelia are here like I thought, both of them worried and on the verge of tears, and when I follow their line of sight, my heart stops at what I see.
Blood.
I’m bleeding.
It’s not my slick, it never was.
There is a thin river of blood running down the drain, and it’s coming from between my legs.
I don’t know how to feel, I’m not sure I understand, but my mind is trying to tell me that I’m losing something important right now. That I’m losing something vital that I won’t ever get back.
I stare for a few moments, blinking repeatedly, trying to process the only explanation for what I’m looking at when the first sob breaks free and I start to scream.
“No!” I kick my legs, sliding over the wet tile until I’m kneeling above the drain. I reach down between my thighs, my hand coming up covered in a bright red that will haunt me forever. “No, oh god! Please, no!”
Scrambling forward, I reach for the grate, bordering on hysterical while I try scooping the blood back toward me, desperately trying to hold it in my hands as the water pelts it into nothing.
“Olive, we need to worry about you first,” Aurelia says, unshed tears thick in her voice. “Please let us help you.”
“Oliv—” Aisling begins to speak, but I shake my head violently.
“Fuck off! Leave me alone!” I scream as I’m pulled back into her arms. “Please, god, no. Please… Our baby…”
But she doesn’t leave me alone, and she doesn’t let go.
No, Aisling and Aurelia both hold me while I cry, while we all cry as I sit and watch what was left of my mates get washed away, and that’s what I do right up until I black out.
I don’t knowhow to feel the next time I open my eyes. Aside from empty. I feel that. Hollow and intensely empty. The void. There’s this huge gaping hole where my mates were. It feels as if I’ve lost them all over again, lost them right along with the tiny little baby that I couldn’t keep safe.
I did this.I know I haven’t been taking care of myself, not as well as I should, even though I've been trying, but at the same time, my mates were right. This time was the charm. It just wasn’t meant to stick.
“Olive, you had a miscarriage,” Aisling rasps, her voice torn up and fried. “The doctors want to do more tests to find out if you’ll be able to conceive again. There’s… a lot of scar tissue.”
I stare past her as she continues to speak, tears silently trailing down my cheeks. I’m going to allow myself to mourn right now and then pack up my emotions. I’ll bury them because tears can’t help me, my dead baby, or my fallen mates.
I can use this though, and I will. I’ll allow this pain and heartache to fuel my need for vengeance. I’ll let it grow, let it bloom into a hate so violent it consumes me, and I’ll use that to help all of us. I’m going to rid the world of the fuckers who didthis to me, to us, and I won’t stop until it’s done. I’ll get justice for my mates and our baby, no matter what it costs me.
I’ve got nothing left to lose.
PT. 3: NIKO
A Stranger - A Perfect Circle
One and a half years ago
With a tired sigh, I turn my face toward the window, letting the sun warm my skin with its early morning rays.
Winter sunshine is my favorite.
It’s such a harsh contrast, the bright heat and frigid winds. The tiny, elaborate flakes of ice falling against beams of warm light, hoping they don’t melt before they hit the ground and join the others in piles over the buried grass.
There’s something about feeling that same sun on your skin, letting it warm you from the inside out, all while knowing there are two or three feet of snow on the ground and a wicked storm on the horizon.
It might hold a little more significance this morning, though.
