Ihatebeing alone.
I spent most of my goddamn life alone. I used to enjoy the solitude. I liked not having to speak to anyone. I liked that there wasn’t anyone around pointing fingers at the giant, no one judging the way I look, and that there wasn’t anyone around to be afraid of me.
Being alone never bothered me before.
BeforeI was mated to five other people who, in a matter of days, made me hate the peace and serenity that comes with being by myself in silence.
It probably doesn’t help that I’m also worrying about those same five people in a way I have never worried about anything in my goddamn life.
I flex my fingers at my sides, balling my hands into fists then opening them wide as I continue pacing the floor of Styx’s apartment.
From one end to the other, back and forth. I’ve worn a path in the carpet and I’m working on the wood floor. It’s only a matter of time before it gives out completely and I end up pacing on top of the RV until the roof caves in under my weight.
With a sigh, I scrub a hand over my hair and check the clock.
It’s a little after seven.
A little after seven in the evening, and I haven’t heard from one of my mates for about six hours, notone, and I think I’ve had enough.
I turn around and slam the balcony doors closed, securing them the best I can since we haven’t replaced them after I all but blew them to pieces, then check all the windows and call for my dogs.
“We’re leaving,” I grunt as I grab my wallet and start searching for Dimitri’s keys.
Thank god they took Leon’s car to the airport. If they hadn’t and it was my only option right now, I’d be turning that Taurus into a convertible and ripping out the front seat in order to sit in the back, just so my big ass would have enough leg room and not crack my skull on the ceiling every time I hit a pothole.
I fit better in D’s truck, and the dogs like that they have to ride in the bed because there’s only a small bench seat.
Yanking open the junk drawer in the kitchen, I pause.
I just called himD.
It was only in my head, but I don’t think I’ve used the shortened version of anyone’s name except Leon, and that’s only because he doesn’t care for being called Leonidas.
I'm sure that’s something else that comes with bonding. A level of comfort that you haven’t reached before. A natural easiness between mates.
I’m thirty-nine years old and I’m starting to worry it’s going to take me another thirty-nine years to figure out how to be with my pack without questioning every fucking thing that happens between us.
Maybe I was supposed to be alone.
Shaking the thought from my head, I dig around until I find my alpha’s keys, snatching them up quickly before ushering the dogs onto the stairwell and locking up behind me.
Now is not the time to try to figure any of that shit out, though.
It probably isn’t even somethingtofigure out, and the last thing I need to do is focus on it when I should be trying to contact my mates.
I know the others think Olive needs space, that she’ll come home when she’s ready, but I’m more hesitant. There’s some truth to it, the need she has for her own space in order to process things, but even our girl wouldn’t stay away this long. Not when she knows what it could do to the rest of us.
Like make me question everything about life as I know it.
I’m not going to wait any longer, not if I can help her in some way.
That tightness in my chest returns as I load my hellhounds into the truck then move toward the driver’s seat.
The feeling waned after Olive left.
It didn’t entirely go away, but that emptiness or whatever it was, subsided quite a bit and eventually I didn’t feel anything negative coming from her.
Then I feltnothing.
