I learned a routine that was back breaking at best, involving roughly three hours of sleep, twelve hours doing hard labor onThe All Father’s Land, and nine hours in some form ofworship.Praise be to Himthat either ended with a beating so severe I couldn’t leave the sanctuary on my own, or cleaning my body until my skin was rubbed raw and bleeding. All because I’m a female omega.
I had to power through all of it, too.
I couldn’t cry, couldn’t beg or plead. I wasn’t allowed to scream, no matter what they were doing to my body, and eventually my mind started protecting me from that.
Dissociating was my saving grace, and it’s what allowed me to leave that stupid fucking cult regardless of how terrified I was.
My father shattered my heart the first time he showed me that flesh and blood mean nothing.
Everyfatherwho came after him further smashed those pieces one by one until I found someone I thought was different.
He wasn’t.
That bastard introduced me to an entirely new way to break my spirit and he allowed, no,forcedthat to happen right up until my pack and I escaped.
Those men were the first to pick up my pieces and love them, despite the jagged and sharp edges but I was punished yet again. Their deaths were almost the end of me and losing our baby should have sent me to the grave.
Nothing good in my life stays, and when it inevitably leaves, whatever replaces it takes me to the edge of death every goddamn time.
I don’t trust people, I don’t open up to them. Making friends seems pointless, or it did until Niko.
And yes, I am well aware that his disappearing before I left the shelter isn’t even in the same dimension as the other shit I’ve been through, but that’s part of why I’m so angry.
“Fucking go!” I shout as I punch my horn, waiting to turn toward the campground through two green lights because the genius in front of me must be asleep at the goddamn wheel.
I’m having a fucked up response to not saying goodbye to him. Fucked up like I want to curl up into a ball and cry for days while I lick my wounds. I want to scream and beg for him to care about me in any way he can. Then I want him to explain to me in great detail why he fucking can’t so I can weaponize that against myself for the next few years.
All of that pisses me off.
I’m mad that Niko dipped out on me but I’m even angrier over my reaction to it.
I shouldn’t be hurt, I shouldn’t feel sad and empty. I shouldn’t give one flying fuck, but apparently I give all of them and I am disgusted with myself over it.
Making a hard left, I whip my truck and camper into the little registration box at the main gate of the campground, growing more agitated by the second. I hand over my info, give the tiny little beta woman my deposit for a few nights, then wait until I’m through the sliding gate and tear down the trail to the spot marked6B.
I didn’t really want to stop yet, I’m only about halfway through my trip across Minneapolis, but it’s probably not very safe for me to keep driving.
I’m tired, I’m a little hungry, but most of all, I’m pissed off and I know this can turn into a mess very quickly if I’m not careful.
This is exactly why I mapped out all of the campgrounds as close to the city as I could. This stop is going to take me about an hour out of the way, turning a five hour drive into six and a half,but I got a later start than I wanted to. I skipped all three meals before I left, and this seems like the safest thing to do.
For the sake of everyone else on the road, not me.
Taking a deep breath, I start backing my camper into the site, slowly situating the twenty-three foot hunk of aluminum where it’s going to sit for now.
My pack and I didn’t have much, not in terms of belongings or anything like that, but we knew how to save money. We also knew how to steal it. Just before we ran like hell, we made sure to take as much as we could from that bastard who’d been pimping us out since we were teenagers. Somehow, my alphas were able to get away with almost three hundred thousand dollars of his blood money and after we bought our little piece of property with the tiny ranch-style house, we hid what was left. We were also smart and added to it when we could.
Well, they did.
Those boys made our money and told me to spend it, but I couldn’t. Not on anything unless we really needed it. I wasn’t used to being in control of my finances and it felt like I was going to get in trouble. Between that and the need to keep my personal belongings to a minimum for running purposes, it’s a miracle we had any furniture in that house.
Before I burned it down and left our property, I took every cent we had saved and I just about shit myself when I realized my alphas had almost doubled what we stole from Hayk. I couldn’t believe it. We were sitting on a fucking gold mine and I had no clue.
Maybe not a gold mine to anyone but me, but still. It was a lot of fucking money, way more than I thought we had, and until a few weeks ago, I had no idea how I was going to spend it.
They’d be proud if they could see what I’ve done with their cash now.
I was stingy at first. Buying a used, and close to outdated laptop for research, sticking to shitty burner phones and clearance clothes, but there was a reason for that. Several if I’m being honest, but only one of them is logical if you were to ask someone a little more stable than I am.
