Liv told me about the baby she lost.
I was surprised, not that it happened, but that she shared it with me. Then she told me about the charm on her necklace.
She and her previous pack had bonded differently, even from other chosen packs that she knew of. For some reason, their bites didn’t take. They tried; all four of them tried to bond that way and it should have worked since they were more than accepting, but it didn’t. I could tell Liv has a theory about why but she didn’t say, and I didn’t pry. But she showed me her necklace and explained since they couldn’t mark each other, they had rings.
The charm is triangular, each side one of her mates’ rings and they’re melded around hers. In the center, in a small, clear bead is a swirl of a dark reddish pink and when Liv told me that was a tiny bit of what was left of her baby, she couldn’t look me in the eye. I think she assumed I’d be disgusted or something, like I’d think she was fucked up for turning her loss into jewelry, but that couldn’t have been farther from the truth.
I understand what she did and why she did it, and when I told her that, Liv broke down. She threw her arms around me and cried, then she thanked me.
This perfect omega—this beautiful, strong woman who has been through a hell I’m not sure anyone is familiar with—thanked mefor listening without judgement, and for being hers.
Not her friend, or her travel buddy. Not her companion. Justhers.
The entire day was almost surreal but despite the way Liv opened her wounds and bared her soul to me, I didn’t do it in return. I didn’t tell her my secrets. I barely said anything once we got to the heavy, and the guilt has been eating at me ever since.
She knew it, too.
I made dinner then hooked up her TV so we could watch a movie, and things were relatively normal through all of that, but Liv knew something was going on with me. And I still didn’t say shit.
Now it’s four in the morning and I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at my painfully hard dick while struggling with the way all of my feelings are coming to a head.
“Niko?”
I flinch at the sound of Liv’s sleep-filled voice, her normal smoky tone raspier when she’s tired.
It’s sexy.
Sexy and not what I need right now.
“Niko, honey, what’s wrong?”
My back stiffens as I feel her shift behind me, scooting closer because she’s concerned but it sends me over, and I snap.
“Stop.”
“Niko?” I can practically hear her wince. “What’s going on, are you?—”
“Goddamnit, Liv, just stop.” I blow out a breath and shake my head, dropping my elbows to my knees on a frustrated huff. “I… This was a bad idea.”
“What was?” she whispers, and fuck, that guts me.
It guts me to hear her pain and feel her hurt, especially since I’m causing both, but I don’t think I can stop what I’ve already started. I don't think I should. I want Liv. I want to be with her, but there are things I need to say, shit I need to actually deal with before I can move forward with anything.
“Coming with you,” I say softly as I hang my head. She doesn’t say anything but I can hear her moving again and when I chance a look over my shoulder, it’s like my heart cracks in two.
Liv has scooted as far away from me as possible, and she’s leaning against the wall with her knees pulled to her chest. And she has goddamn tears in her eyes.
“Fuck.” I scrub my hands over my face, angry with myself for how I’m handling this. Which would be like a fucking moron. “That’s not what I meant.”
“I get it,” Liv says as she sniffles. “I’m sure there’s somewhere close by where you can get a bus ticket. I can take you. I don’t want you to stay if you don’t want to be here.”
I shake my head instead of punching myself in the face the way I want to. “That’s just it, Liv. I want to stay. I want to be here with you.”
“You don’t have to lie to me. I’m used to… I’ll be fine alone.”
I am epically failing at this, and somehow my dick isn’t getting the message despite how obvious it is. If I’m not careful, I’m going to hurt this woman in a way I won’t be able to fix, and that’s not even close to what I’m trying to do.
“I have a scent match,” I blurt as I stare at the bedroom door. “I have a scent match, we bonded, and we were together for a long time. I wound up at the shelter because of what happened between us. He’s the one who shot me.” I laugh morbidly. “I shot him back, though. It’s all kinds of fucked up, honestly. I still love him and shit, but…” God, this is so hard. “There was some kind of betrayal there. Something happened that got us to that point,where we were fucking shooting at each other. I don’t even know what it was that started it, I just knew I had to leave.”
