Honestly, it fucking hurts to witness this kind of shit because all it does is make me regret the way I fucked things up so royally two years ago. Not because I wouldn’t be sitting here watching this, I sure as fuck wouldn’t, but because this could have been me if I hadn’t found my scent match. I fucked it up and lost him, but I’m pretty goddamn grateful I’m not sitting in Alexei’s shoes right now.
I shake my head as I lift my hand to my chest, rubbing hard over my heart. My fingers slide up to the mark on my neck, mindlessly tracing the scar as I turn back to the laptop when it makes a weird pinging noise.
Apparently my cousin just got a DM.
“Open it,” he grunts, the sound of his hand slamming against the wood meeting my ears before I try drowning him out. “Read it.”
Because I want to pretend like he isn’t actively getting off, and I’m literally anywhere but here, I do what he says so I can make a solid attempt to ignore him.
RA: Three new hires.
I frown as I stare at the initials, scanning my recent history to find who they might belong to.
Ransom Adder.
The older of the two Irish brothers Alexei works with.
And while they do work together, it’s kind of odd that they keep my cousin this up to date on their staffing.
At least, that’s what I’m thinking until the next messages come through.
RA: Big fucker. Thinking of putting him on your doors.
RA: Bigger than you even.
X generally likes to keep his crew close to the doors of the basement auction house but maybe he means in the club portion. The goddamn closet you have to take to get downstairs.
A dude bigger than Alexei is hard to find but it seems like a valid reason to message him.
Still…
Couldn’t this have waited until the next time he was there? It’s not like that’s some ridiculously long wait. He goes back tomorrow afternoon once he’s finished inspecting the shipment he’s getting in the morning. That should be plenty of time to go over some giant they hired and want to have standing at his doors.
RA: Pretty sure one of the new omegas is Russian. First generation maybe. Need you to check on them.
My stomach drops and my mouth goes dry as I read that message again.
Just those simple few words strung together in a sentence is enough to have my entire body reacting.
In pain.
The most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt, worse than any gunshot or stab wound I’ve had, and nearly having my face blown off is absolutely included. None of that comes close to the pain of having a bonded mate out there in the aether, running scared and alone, feeling betrayed and broken, knowing damn well it’s all my fault.
It’s my fucking fault that he isn’t here with me now. My arrogance and loyalty, my ignorance. My fucking fear.
I destroyed the best thing that’s ever happened to me in less than fifteen minutes, possibly ruined the best human I’ve ever known, and for what? Just to sneak around and find the truth, to uncover some fucked up family secrets that have me on the run right now?
I will never forgive myself for that.
Never, and the pain that racks my entire body every time I’m reminded of all the ways I failed the only person I’ve ever truly loved is exactly what I deserve.
I clutch my shirt and start twisting the cotton in my hand, almost digging through the material, burrowing down deep to my cold, dead heart. It’s beating so hard it hurts. Thumping against my ribs in a rhythm that has my head starting to spin.
“You missed out, D.”
I glance toward the table again just as Alexei rolls his finger over the powder on the female’s tits, rubbing it on his teeth and gums as he stands.
I blink a few times, willing this pain to subside so he can’t see it, but it doesn’t. If anything, it’s worse as I watch my cousin pull up his basketball shorts then push his fingers back through his hair before he grabs a beer. Seconds after taking advantage of two people who would clearly give anything to have a real chance with Alexei.
