“O, okay?”
With a nod, I force a smile through the next cramp and try to act like I don’t feel like I’m dying. “I’m okay, dude. Just got a little tummy ache.”
“You gotta poop?”
I blink at the little guy for a few seconds before I snort. “Maybe. I guess that could be it.”
“Prolly.” Benji nods like he just diagnosed me with 100% accuracy. “Mommy says I gotta poop when my belly hurts and that I should rest my belly on the potty. You should try that.”
“She is a wise woman.” And this is one smart kid. I can’t get over the conversations we have once he warms up to me. “So, what’ll I draw next? A turkey? Maybe a donkey?”
“A boogar.”
“What?”
He nods again, looking at me like I’m an idiot for asking that. “A boo-ggah-err.”
“Okay…” I arch a brow. He cannot be seriously telling me to draw him a booger. Snot. The green crap that comes out of your nose. There’s no way. “If I were to draw you a booger, how would I start?”
“With a plate.”
“What else?” I ask before trying to breathe through another cramp.
“Flies.” Benji grins. “And ketchup.”
Which is when the lightbulb finally turns on in my brain. “Oh, you want me to draw you a burger.”
“Duh, O. Don’t be silly goosing me.”
This kid is awesome.
“You got it,” I say as I start sketching out a cheeseburger. “Burger and fries for you tomorrow, okay?”
Benji smiles but it falls as soon as I drop my sketchpad in favor of clutching my stomach. “O?”
“I’m okay, bud.” I wave him off as I stagger to my feet. “I just have to poop really bad now.”
“Ew, das gross.” He takes one step toward me then stops, thinking to himself in a way I can actually see happen. “I go get Mommy. She’ll help you poop.”
Before I can even attempt to protest, I double over in pain, grabbing the blankets on my bed and squeezing right down to the mattress.
I don’t want this.
I knew it was going to happen but I do not want to go into heat without my mates. I refuse. I’m rejecting the idea of going into heat, and I will do so every single time it tries to happen.
I’m going to will this shit to stop, then I’m going to will it right out of existence.
Fuck going into heat after the people you love die.
My ability to do so should have died with them because there’s no fucking way I’m doing this without them. I don’t need to have a baby either, thanks. Not without those three. So all of this is pointless and needs to stop immediately.
Clutching my stomach, I push myself upright then move to the closet and grab a clean change of clothes and towels, reaching for both with a wince that almost takes me down to my knees in my nest. I’ll just shower this shit off. It should help the cramps, anyway. Then I’ll come back in here, bury myself in my shitty nest I made out of pure anxiety-driven need, then hopefully die from the pain of an unmedicated, unassisted heat.
That sounds like a great plan.
“Olive, Benji says you’re not feeling well…” Meghan says, knocking on the door as she pokes her head in while holding her son’s hand.
“I’m… fine,” I gasp, clearly lying my ass off as my fingers dig into my stomach.
