You once said that I will accept what you offer, so I accept Alexander.
I accept your gift of nothing.
Isabella
My heart breaks in half and I spend the next two weeks drunk and in my room. I wasn’t violent, just drank, slept, got up, and drank again. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Carlos comes and gives me updates on Sebastian’s progress, which is always zero. She is well and truly gone now.
I kept all the security in place. Danny was watching Anna 24/7. I had someone on Helen’s bookstore. Sebastian was relentless about surveillance. He never gave up, but I was starting to. The only thing that shook me out of my pity party was the morning I got up and my father was sitting at the end of my bed.
I knew I was a disappointment to him. But I didn’t know what else to do with myself and I was ashamed that I let Robert manipulate me and that he knew enough of my personality that I would have gone through with it. That he convinced me she was a traitor. I thought I was smarter than that. This whole thing shook my world, and I was trying to figure out my way back to the surface.
“Dad?” I croak.
“I’m not here to give you shit. I’ve been where you are. Your mother left me when we first got married. I never told you that, but I was harsh and cruel to her and expected her to obey.” He laughs now.
“I told you she was a lot like Anna. She packed her bags, she walked right out the front door, telling me to go fuck myself as she slammed it behind her. I know you think your mother would never say that, but she did.”
He clears his throat.
“And I let her go. I was so self-righteous in my beliefs that I had everything, and I was the perfect man for her, and she couldn’t get better than me. It took me three months to get her back. After three months of waiting, of sending her flowers, a bunch of letters. I would wait at her door and when that didn’t work, I’d yell at her house for the world to hear that she belonged at home. For three months, I did everything I thought a man should do. But in those three months, not once did I tell her I loved her. Not a single time. And I knew I did, but men like us don’t say those sissy words.”
He smiles at me. “One night, I went to her house. I stood on the front step like a total idiot, tears running down my face, a handful of flowers wilted because I gripped them so tight in my shaking hands. I knocked and she opened the door and I spoke the words. She took me by the hand on the spot and led to the car and came home that night.”
He puts his hand on my knee. “See, I was like you; dominating every situation and the need to possess her was my version of how to express love. And it made her feel like an object, like she didn’t matter. Love matters; the words matter, but actions behind the words matter more.”
He puts his hand on my knee and says, “I told you, my bodyknew before my brain caught up. You love her. But you need to figure out what you have to do to keep her when you find her, and we will find her.” He shakes my knee and smiles. “When the time is right, you need to give her what she needs and tell her how you feel. She won’t hear you if you say it right away. She’s beyond hurt, and wounded animals bite and lash out before they accept help. Now get up and shower; I’m hungry.”
And he gets up, and he walks out of my room. So, I get up, I have a shower, and we have breakfast in the dining room. I stopped drinking that day, except for the occasional whiskey with the boys.
I was in my office that afternoon when Carlos came in with a large package. And he sets it down by my desk.
“This just arrived.”
My throat closes up and I try to swallow. I know what that is. I wanted to surprise her with it.
“Thanks, man.”
I stare at that unopened package for hours before it hits me. What I need to do, what I can give her. She may never forgive me. But I can at least do this. It’s going to be a big project. I pick up the phone and I start calling everyone I know, setting up a meeting. This will be all for her.
It was late in the afternoon in mid-March. I got a text from Sebastian saying that he would be here in 10 minutes and that we needed to get Carlos. It felt familiar, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up because every time we did this, it always led to a dead end. I made my excuses to the contractor and headed indoors to my office. I texted Carlos to meet me there.
He comes in and sits down. “What up?”
“Sebastian said he would be here right away. I don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t think I can take much more. It’s been sixmonths. I have to face the facts soon, brother.”
Carlos gives me a side smile and says, “Not yet. She’s a smart girl. You didn’t think she would make it easy on you, did you?”
I laugh and shake my head. “No, she wouldn’t.”
The door bursts open, and Sebastian has the biggest smile on his face and a handful of papers. Every other time he comes in pretty slowly, usually with nothing in his hands.
“I’m pretty sure I found her, Alexander. In fact, I’m almost positive.”
For the first time in months, I can feel excitement turning in my stomach.
“Show me.”
He comes around the desk and lays out all the papers, adjusting them so they are side-by-side. And then there’s one photocopy picture of a driver’s license. He’s talking, but I can’t hear him. All I see is her face. Her hair is shorter, she dyed it blonde, but I will never forget those eyes. They are the ones who have haunted my dreams every night and whom I yearn to see every morning. With shaking hands, I pick up the paper and run my finger over her cheek.
